At the twelve o'clock hour today, the East Crawford military pushed the defenses of West Crawford and Clarion County back from their check points on the south side of Oil City. Pressure from both military personnel of the East Crawford militia attacked Veterans Bridge and Route 8 at the Petroleum Street bridge. Clarion County military was forced to abandon their barrier made of university textbooks provided by the Clarion University library. This came as several spitballs rai

Political leaders representing Washington County met with Mayor Steelhead of Pittsburgh to negotiate the lowering of the cannons in Canonsburg. According to sources, tensions have existed between the neighboring counties of Washington and Allegheny ever since the cannons have pointed north. Mayor Steelhead of Pittsburgh and self-declared president of Allegheny County threatened to stop the exports of steel to Washington County if the cannons were not turned southward toward W

The recent attack by Warren County on the city of Tionesta has led to speculations that County War 1 is inevitable. Tionesta, the capital of Forest County, had sent their troops to the border on Route 227, just outside of Pleasantville, to secure the entry point in case of an attack by East Crawford. East Crawford has invaded Venango County, laying siege to the north side of Oil City. At this time, Forest County has fallen victim to a recent attack by the Warren County Air Fo

It has been several days since the conflict with East Crawford escalated to Oil City’s north side falling under siege. In that period, the biggest question haunting Venango County is whether or not their military will realize that they were surpassed while they were sleeping. Attempts to get word to the troops on the front lines have failed due to Route 8 being blocked by East Crawford’s military and their heavy spitball artillery. Since then, the Pennsylvania Land and Treaty

Another incident involving a pizza has Erie under the watch of several counties. According to sources, a fish fry taking place Sunday afternoon ended badly with sauce flying in several directions. At least 20 people had their Sunday shirts stained as well as their newly purchased slacks while trying to prepare their fish and loaves. Authorities say that this is the worst case of pizza bombing they have seen in decades. The Mercer Bureau of Investigation, otherwise known as MB

The mayor of Punxsutawney and self-declared president of Jefferson County is calling on Mayor Dambuilder of Aliquippa in Beaver County to support PLATO in the war efforts against East Crawford and Warren County. This came after a week of conflict escalated between the Pennsylvania Land and Treaty Organization versus the counties of East Crawford and Warren. The mayor of Aliquippa and self-declared president of Beaver County has stated several times that he has no interest in

We are no longer looking at a minor scrum between neighboring counties. PLATO's role in the war with East Crawford has escalated to an inter-county crisis, as Warren attacks Forest County by dropping diapers on its western capital of Tionesta. The event took place at about 6:55 p.m. Saturday evening. Cheap drones that one would buy from the Dollar General navigated over the city of Tionesta with what seemed to be dirty diapers hanging beneath them. The drones moved in a circl

The war with East Crawford has devastated the northern side of Venango County. As the fate of Oil City remains unclear, several questions haunt the citizens with no certainties to ease their concerns. Among these concerns is the question of whether Venango's military will realize their mistake of letting East Crawford sneak past them during their nap. Others wonder if East Crawford will change the name of Oil City's northside to “Tiny Titusville.” But above every fear, there

The war between East Crawford and Venango County has escalated to measures that were not expected so soon. Just last week, a soldier from the East Crawford military crossed the border claiming one square foot of land. In response, Mayor Blunders of Oil City sent two-thirds of the Venango County military to secure the border. Within days, East Crawford's military crossed again when the two soldiers from the Venango County military were asleep. After stealing the Venango sol

The war between Venango County and East Crawford has slowly progressed over the course of the last year. Ever since Mayor Dumdum of Titusville declared his county went to space after launching a toy rocket 10 feet off the ground, both governments have gone back and forth trying to out shine each other. Now, the invasion of Oil City's northside has many wondering if Mayor Blunders is fit to lead the nation of Venango County. Losing half the capital city to two military men

Mayor Dambuilder of Aliquippa, Capital of Beaver County, has reached a trade agreement with Mayor Steelhead of Pittsburgh, Capital of Allegheny County, over the lumber and metal plank resource bill. According to sources, months of negotiations finally came to an end when Mayor Dambuilder agreed to stop plugging up the Ohio River with fallen trees. Several dams constructed along the Ohio River have been credited by Mayor Steelhead as the cause of minor floods in Allegheny citi

The recent pizza explosion outside of the Downtown Mall in Meadville has raised several speculations as to who caused the incident. Sources say that several remnants of the detonation can be traced back to a pizza parlor on Peach Street in Erie. However, Mayor Paranoia of Erie has denied such claims. In a press briefing today, Mayor Paranoia told the press that he has way too much on his mind to come up with such a masterful plan. "I have high anxiety because of this eerie p

The odds have finally shifted closer to Venango County's favor now that the Clarion County Military has officially arrived. At about 1:25 Thursday, three Clarion troops sent by Mayor Intellect of Clarion marched down Seneca Hill into the heart of Oil City's south side. With the north side fallen into enemy hands, Venango defenses are barely holding at Veterans Bridge thanks to the intervention of West Crawford troops fortifying the road with Meow Mix. Fights escalated when ha

Authorities are investigating what appears to be an intentional attack on the Meadville downtown mall. According to sources, a strange pizza box was left outside the downtown mall at around 4:15 Wednesday afternoon, just prior to an explosion that left the area covered in cheese and pepperoni. West Crawford federal authorities are investigating the incident to determine whether the attack is internal or an inter-county attack. So far, they have no leads, with speculations abo

Days have passed since the conflict between East Crawford and Venango escalated out of proportion. Since yesterday, Clarion County vowed to join the fight to help defend Venango against the treachery of Mayor Dumbdumb's military. As of yesterday, the soldiers who set out on Route 322 have not been heard from. That is, until now.... According to sources, the three military men sent by Mayor Intellect of Clarion County have resurfaced in Emlenton. The troops, who were set to ar

Salvation has finally arrived for Venango County from members of the Pennsylvania Land and Treaty Organization. West Crawford has successfully sent five troops across 322 and have finally reached Franklin, Pennsylvania, to help Venango County push East Crawford back to their own region. Meanwhile, to the east of Venango, Clarion County troops are still unaccounted for. The troops who left their city around 9 a.m. yesterday got lost and haven't been seen since. Venango is unsu

With nothing to defend the city of Oil City, the East Crawford military conducted an operation in sabotaging the Seneca Street Bridge on the north side of town. The attack was a success, as five snowballs left the bridge inoperable and too dangerous to drive across, as the frozen substance made the surface slippery. The attack took place at 12:13 today, with the snowball bombshells dropping on the bridge with excessive force. Citizens living nearby the bridge heard the ruckus

Venango County is under attack, with nothing standing between East Crawford troops and the capital of Oil City. Mayor Blunders is requesting aid from surrounding counties after East Crawford troops easily surpassed the Venango County border defenses, who apparently were asleep during the invasion. Witnesses say that at about 7:30 this morning, East Crawford military men could be seen tiptoeing across the border prior to stealing the roller skates that Venango County’s militar

Venango County has received further support from another ally, as the mayor of Clarion Township signed a bill to send 2,000 textbooks from Clarion University to help aid in the war with East Crawford. According to sources, Mayor Intellect of Clarion learned of the recent invasion when one troop stepped across the border of Venango, claiming a square foot of land. It took two days of negotiating with Congress in Clarion County, but Mayor Intellect was able to push through an o

The recent invasion of Venango County by East Crawford County troops has the United Counties discussing what role each should play in the conflict. Yesterday, war broke out between East Crawford and Venango County when one of Titusville’s troops stepped over the border, laying claim to a square foot of land. The matter was resolved quickly when the two military men were called back to Titusville by their wives for a pre-scheduled dinner date. Mayor Blunders, however, fears th