Researchers from the University of Venango have discovered the benefit of having a roof over one's house as it relates to preventing rain from pouring in. A case study consisting of more than 20 structures found that those with shingles covering a wooden overhang helped reduce the likelihood of flooding within the home by 100%. This, of course, applies specifically to roofs that have been perfectly sealed. The houses with no roof whatsoever seemed to have the highest suscepti

An Oil City resident is under fire after admitting his involvement in the destruction of the northern steeple of St. Stephens Church. According to unreliable sources, the man responsible was attempting to hang a banner with 93 theses on it before causing the top portion to implode. His excavator has been confiscated along with monk status. "I just had a bunch of ideas to share." States the man who has been identified as Marty McLuthy. "I wasn't trying to destroy the steeple.

The Titusville Aeronautics and Space Administration (TASA) has stretched the limits of space travel beyond what was originally thought possible for Western Pensylvania. A recent press release leaked via the Crawford Carnage reveals another rocket, constructed in Titusville, has achieved new altitudes never before seen by those lacking in inteligence. Mayor Dumbdumb tests 15th rocket this year Details are limited, with East Crawford reporters only braging about the altitude, b

A Sherwin Williams plant in Beaver County is facing massive fines after failing to take measures to prevent stinking up the county. According to information provided by the first radio station to ever exist, Rochester has fallen victim to smells so bad, sealing up the houses accomplishes nothing. A notice was delivered to the plant leadership from the Pennsylvania DEP. Our journalists investigated the meaning behind "DEP" and determined it has nothing to do with the actor who

Does carrying heavy objects require more strength? A study from Fairview University in Butler County suggests that the more weight that's applied to an object, the more muscle one must have to lift it effectively. All 24 subjects, who make up the town's population, were placed in a room for professors to observe. Each subject was handed items of various weight quantities. Professors noted that the two most differentiating objects were the anvil and the toothbrush, which seeme

A study at Venango Campus discovered a correlation between washing one's hands and good hygiene. According to researchers at Venango Campus, when placing one's hands underneath the faucet at a sink, nothing happens when the water is turned off. However, when turning the handle to a faucet with functional capabilities, water pouring from the spigot removes dirt and grime from a person's body. After hours of surveying different methods, scientists at Venango Campus had the bril

The City of Franklin is observing its first, in what experts predict becoming a strain of oral disease. According to sources, the unexpected retirement of a 37-year veteran in dental work is already resulting in the outbreak of dental sickness, with one case reported so far. Oral decay is not uncommon to the Western Pennsylvania region, as many individuals are known to neglect their oral hygiene. What makes this particular case unique is that it may be contagious, with expert

Oil City residents woke to the sound of a rocket being launched in the air. The scientist responsible for tossing it, VASA astronomer Kneel Legweak, propelled the miniature shuttle into the sky for Venango's second trip to the Moon. Unlike the last trip taken in December, reports say that this shuttle will not be landing, but instead will naturally turn back towards the Earth after making a full circle around the mass they hung in the tree above them. President Mayor Blunders

A recent study finds that pretending to be stupid does not change when somebody is wrong. According to research from the University of Common Sense, pretending not to understand objective reasoning does not make a person right when they are clearly incorrect. Researchers performed a controlled study by locking several dogmatic pricks in a room. The stubborn rigidity of each individual was put to the test when they were forced to face the reality of prior mistakes that impacte

What PennDOT has struggled to fix for the last three decades, the weather has resolved in a single day. Officials have announced for the first time that every pothole in the county is completely filled in by a white frozen substance that fell from the sky. According to sources, the substance is light, freezing, and solid when compacted thoroughly. Whether the fix is permanent depends on if the northern hemisphere can remain tilted away from the Sun. According to experts, this

A recent study finds that pretending to be stupid doesn’t determine when we are being difficult. Researchers at Common Sense University conducted a test and were astonished to learn that fake ignorance is an illegitimate expression. The study consisted of several control groups with individuals known to be dogmatic pricks. When confronted with real-life circumstances where they were absolutely wrong, each subject completely denied reality, acting like denial somehow fixed the

A recent study found that cats really don't love their owners but are simply kissing up to get food. According to research conducted by professors at Venango Campus, being trapped inside a house prevents cats from hunting on their own, forcing them to become unnaturally affectionate to win the respect of their owners. A controlled group was locked in separate rooms to perform varying simulations. The first group consisted of 5 single homeowners with lifelong bonds with their

Successfully landing on the Moon has brought about excitement. So much of Venango County's reputation hinged on the success of this mission after East Crawford became the first Western Pensylvania County to launch a rocket into space. Failing to match their altitude of ten feet was Mayor Blunders greatest embarassment in 2025. However, despite the shortcomings, the Mayor has insisted that Venango County will achieve heights much greater than East Crawford in this cold war per

The Venango Republic does not take responsibility for any pigeons which may have been maimed by eagles during the production of this article. For more information, please visit KeepEaglesSafe.ThisWebsiteDoesntActuallyExist.com. And now, to our article, inspired by the headline which was submitted by Jenna of Franklin. Congratulations, Jenna! A recent study finds that Oil City has a new industry exceeding the income of all other forms of production. According to studies conduc

A recent study finds that crawling on the floor does not make any difference in how visible one is to a camera. According to research conducted by professors at Scrappy Joe's University, the act of kneeling on the floor still permits one to be observed even when roaming on all fours. The study consisted of two morons who were prompted by their egos to participate. Upon entering the test area, they were constantly monitored without their knowledge for a more authentic experien

A recent study found that intentionally exaggerating the progress of the region and denying the problems it faces somehow magically makes everything better. According to research conducted by the Wannabe Society, pretending everything is moving in the right direction accomplishes everything — even if it involves not addressing what is standing in the way of progress. "I have this rule to be optimistic, even to the extreme of lying about how much better things are becoming," s

It has always been a mystery what lies beyond the border of Venango County. Locals have wondered for generations if life exists outside...

A recent study from Venango University found that fire extinguishers cannot put out fires. According to information provided by...

In a recent study conducted by professors at Venango Campus, it was discovered that touching a hot stove could cause severe burns...

This past week, 2 T-shirts were shipped out to contest winners featuring the logo and staff of the Venango Republic. The shirt can be...