Correlation Between Water and Soap May Resolve Stench Plaguing Pensylvania Residents According to Recent Study

A study at Venango Campus discovered a correlation between washing one's hands and good hygiene. According to researchers at Venango Campus, when placing one's hands underneath the faucet at a sink, nothing happens when the water is turned off. However, when turning the handle to a faucet with functional capabilities, water pouring from the spigot removes dirt and grime from a person's body.

After hours of surveying different methods, scientists at Venango Campus had the brilliant idea to apply an external substance to their hands while experimenting with the water pouring from the faucet. Elements ranged from gasoline to uranium. At the end of the test, it was discovered that the most effective product was one they bought from the store called soap.

Unlike the uranium, soap did not cause the scientist's hands to burn, and easily washed several forms of dirtiness from the scientist's hands. Professors state that it is the cleanest that they have felt in years.

Another form of uncleanliness the professors were able to address was with their hair follicles. For several generations, residents of Venango County and the surrounding regions have been trying to figure out how to make their heads smell pleasantly.

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After shopping for weeks at the local Family Dollar, professors at Venango Campus were able to discover a product called shampoo. Not only does this substance seem to clean one's hair, but it also adds a fragrance that covers up any unwanted uncleanliness that may be left behind. Scientists do note that one should be careful what product they buy in order to prevent a white element from appearing in one's hair. This element they refer to as dandruff.

Researchers at Venango Campus consider these recent discoveries a breakthrough in modern technology. While more tests must be done to determine how to deal with the odor of armpit, hair, and oral tooth decay, researchers say that they are confident they will find the elements necessary to create a solution to those problems. Right now, the research is being forwarded to Clarion University and to colleges throughout the western Pennsylvania region, including the University of Pittsburgh, where scientists believe they will be able to use the data to help locals in a town full of yinzers and jagoffs.