A group of 12 out-of-shape locals gathered today to protest deportation through ICE. According to sources, the protest was so massive that the only ICE agent visiting the county was forced to deploy tear gas on nobody. The protest began at 4 PM and lasted till the weaklings’ knees gave out. ICE agents attempted to enter Franklin but immediately faced impenetrable resistance due to the barrage of guilt comments. We're actually kidding. ICE did not enter Franklin today because

Mayor Blunders of Oil City, and self-declared president of Venango County, has cracked down on deporting undocumented Chihuahuas this year. So far, several elderly women have banded together to hit Glacier agents with their canes and purses to protect their pooches from deportation. Unfortunately, deportation has shifted its focus to other matters. Governor Jim Waltz of Rockland Township is now facing allegations of using county funding for fake salami daycares. You heard tha

A broken sidewalk remains cracked after months of dispute between officials of the Venango County Senate. According to sources, Minority Leader Kendra Lutelute claims she is being reasonable despite refusing to vote in favor of the sidewalk repair. Hours of debate left members of the Egocentric Party enraged. With only one vote needed to finalize the sidewalk repair bill, Kendra Lutelute refused to cast her support for the decision, claiming that the job could compromise the

In a bold operation, the Venango County Military has successfully carried out their mission to capture the mayor of Slippery Rock. This came after several leads cited Slippery Rock as the source of academic trafficking. In a press briefing today, Vice Mayor Clumsy informed the public that several diplomas were being earned and trafficked into the county through a process called “higher education.” “At least 3 people have driven to Slippery Rock daily for the last 8 years,” st

It was an interesting way to approach the podium. Jim Waltz, governor of Rockland Township, danced to the tune of a 16th-century composition while holding a partner in an elegant gown close to him. When Waltz came to the podium, his centuries-old tuxedo caught the attention of the press, wanting to hear his explanation for the recent salami daycare scandal. “There is no salami scandal,” states Waltz, who insists that his family only eats kielbasa and hot dogs. The crowd was d

The self-declared president of East Crawford County is demanding evidence from Venango for their claims that they have successfully landed on the Moon. According to reporters from the Crawford Carnage, Mayor Dumdum of Titusville is accusing Mayor Blunders of Oil City of faking the Moon landing. Tension between Venango County and East Crawford has been at an all-time high for the last several months. Back in April, East Crawford sought to justify the name of their high school

In a rare occurrence that shocked the neighborhood, the Sligo Town Hall meeting ended instantly when everyone present unexpectedly agreed. According to witnesses present, the town hall opened with the proposal that nothing will ever get accomplished through town hall due to neighborhood drama. Everyone instantly said, “hear, hear, hear,” prompting city officials to end the meeting, perceiving it as a waste of time. The unexpected agreement between participants at the City Hal

Mayor Isolate of Pithole announced to the press this morning plans for a complete revitalization of his one resident city. According to sources, Mayor Isolate is excited for the new project set to begin as soon as he can find the funds to start doing whatever the heck his out of reach plans may be. Among the plans that he will achieve one day in his dreams, the mayor hopes to build a giant skyscraper twice as high as the Willis Tower in Chicago... Yeah, right. “We are very ex

Successfully landing on the Moon has brought about excitement. So much of Venango County's reputation hinged on the success of this mission after East Crawford became the first Western Pensylvania County to launch a rocket into space. Failing to match their altitude of ten feet was Mayor Blunders greatest embarassment in 2025. However, despite the shortcomings, the Mayor has insisted that Venango County will achieve heights much greater than East Crawford in this cold war per

It's official! According to political leaders in Oil City, Pennsylvania, the Moon landing is a success with three astronauts currently embarking on the exploration of the lunar surface. VASA's mission to launch a rocket ship to the Moon, transporting three astronauts along the way, has been in the works for almost a month now. After tensions between East Crawford and Venango County rose again, Mayor Dumdum of Titusville, capital of East Crawford County, announced his intentio

Tension is rising once again between East Crawford and Venango County, as Mayor Dumdum of Titusville, capital of East Crawford County, is declaring Venango in violation of the Western Pennsylvania Convention, which prohibits space travel without the approval of the other counties. Mayor Blunders of Oil City, capital of Venango County, states that his attempt to fly to the moon is completely justified under Article C of the Western Pennsylvania Accords. Mayor Blunders, who has

Venango County, in response to Eastern Crawford's successful space launch, has announced their intent to be the first of Western Pennsylvania's counties to land on the moon. This came several months after Titusville, capital of East Crawford County, successfully launched a $15 rocket 10 feet into the air, declaring that they had successfully made it to space. Mayor Blunders of Oil City, who announced the implementation of a new space program, a.k.a. VASA, states that the lack

It has been several years since Oil City’s recycling program went out of business. The end of the recycling company devastated the region, as it was the last remaining major industry following the departure of oil refineries. Since then, residents have been forced to place their unrecycled plastic in sharp-edged cans at the edge of their yards to act as natural defense systems against unwanted deer. Many have lost hope in the idea that a recycling corporation will return to t

After the first snowfall in the Oil Region, temperatures have dropped to levels which the mayor declares too cold for comfort. Consequently, the region is now under a state of emergency because the City Hall, which also shares spaces with the City Outhouse, has no heating system inside to keep our local diplomats warm. With the city budget now $26 in the red, after a loan taken out from Franklin to help fund a new stop sign, Mayor Blunders has no choice but to steal the heati

The war over the library tax code lasted several weeks in the month of October, resulting in the death of one Foam Wall Jackson, who was spit upon by his own men and instantly died of COVID. Consequently, the devastation of the war is one Mayor Blunders believes the Venango States of America can rebuild from. Now that the northern townships have crushed the rebellion in the south, ending the declared Illiterate States of America, individuals in the southern community are work

The talk of the town is Mayor Blunders recent announcement for a ballroom expanding the east side of City Hall, which also shares places with the City Outhouse. The glorious nature of this project promises an elegant atmosphere by Oil City standards. With a low grade leaky ceiling and a floor almost eaten up by termites, this truly will be a demonstration of the Northside pride. In an interview with Mayor Blunders, I was able to find out secret details behind the ballroom nev

A three-hour conflict, which Mayor Blunders falsely reported as lasting three days, may have shifted the war between the townships in favor of the North. According to sources, what is being termed as the “Battle of Betty’s Burgers” resulted in a Union victory after southern soldiers realized they hate Betty’s burgers. “She’s a really bad cook,” states one southern township soldier. “One of the reasons I never come to Rouseville is because Betty’s burgers are the worst I have

Venango County's attempt to steal Warren's oil by running a pipeline from Warren to Oil City is coming to a halt after East Crawford...

The Venango States of America has suddenly been crippled and is no longer declared Western PA’s superpower. According to sources, the...

A resident on Main Street in Seneca places signs outside their home advocating for the library tax. A few doors down, on the opposite...