Mayor Steelhead's campaign to steal West Pittsburg from Lawrence County ended in a withdrawal from the region. This came after Allegheny troops noted the impossible task of moving an entire town, along with its infrastructure, back to a separate region. The technicality was first realized after the Knights of New Castle found their firework weapons useless against the steel skeletal structures of Allegheny soldiers, whose faces are literally steel beams. The Allegheny militar

Mayor Blunders of Oil City has learned through informants of Warren's decision to reroute the Lockrock Pipeline to their local sewage. This came after Warren warned Blunders to stop siphoning their oil through the 50 miles of straws Blunders ordered to be constructed. The Lockrock Pipeline was intended to resurrect the oil industry through a genius initiative gone wrong. Although Blunders was able to successfully purchase enough straws to reach Warren, he did not have the fun

It is the first war in history that has not resulted in a single casualty. Three counties are currently facing a noncombative stalemate due to the impenetrable nature of various soldiers, as well as the fear of other more vulnerable soldiers getting hurt in the conflict. Washington County has successfully reached their objective of Mount Washington in Pittsburgh. After months of demands for Allegheny to surrender the natural monument, Mayor George Washington of Washington Tow

The Venango County Supreme Court has temporarily lifted the ban on Mayor Blunders' east wing ballroom to City Hall, Venango's capital building. This came moments ago after Blunders insisted to the court that the project will be funded by private donors. The Outhouse, which was constructed last year after Blunders burned down the original, has seen massive upgrades in the last year. The implementation of an observatory on the roof, fire escape on the upper level, and a bidet t

The week-long campaign to destroy the Millcreek Mall is coming to an end after several waves have failed to leave any damage. President Mayor Blunders of Oil City hoped to strengthen relations with Erie by helping to disempower Millcreek. Unfortunately, hundreds of muffins launched at the Mall Gun failed to bring any destruction. Now, Venango County has an even greater struggle facing them. One that is far more pressing than their relationship with Erie. The southern border o

The mayor of Warren issued a statement this morning, sending a clear message to Mayor Blunders of Oil City. At 9 a.m., Fossilfuel told the press that if Mayor Blunders does not disassemble his LockRock pipeline, he will sabotage it with toilet water. The LockRock pipeline was an initiative to revive the oil industry by siphoning Warren's oil. It has failed dramatically. Venango County is only able to afford drinking straws. Additionally, the pipeline requires more than 50 mil

The stalemate at Baldwin Borough is now evolving to favor the Washington County military, despite the superiority of Allegheny soldiers and their steel skeletal structures. Washington troops have decided to progress towards Pittsburgh after noting that the enemy does not want to harm them. According to reports from the Pittsburgh Pothole Gazzet, Allegheny soldiers are unwilling to strike their foe after finding out the enemy's iron bullets and bayonets are too weak to penetra

The Titusville Aeronautics and Space Administration (TASA) has stretched the limits of space travel beyond what was originally thought possible for Western Pensylvania. A recent press release leaked via the Crawford Carnage reveals another rocket, constructed in Titusville, has achieved new altitudes never before seen by those lacking in inteligence. Mayor Dumbdumb tests 15th rocket this year Details are limited, with East Crawford reporters only braging about the altitude, b

Military action agains the Mall in Kearsarge is finally showing progress after the second wave of Venango County soldiers successfully took out the no "loitering sign." The event took place at 2 PM Wednesday after 5 hours of muffin strikes left the south side parking lot full of muffins. Laurel and Hardy of the Venango County Military relentlessly tossed everything they had in their muffin carrying bags before charging ahead to recolect the muffins, retreat, and repeat the pr

Laurel and Hardy of the Venango County Military have officially arrived in Millcreek with orders to take out the giant Mall Gun pointed at Erie's capital of Erie. The two soldiers are armed with state-of-the-art muffin hand grenades along with the most expensive spitball launchers Venango County can afford. President Mayor Blunders of Oil City has ordered the destruction of the Mall Gun with the hope of strengthening intercountial relations. It has been over an hour, and the

Venango County's two most notable military members are deploying once again to a neighboring nation. This came just minutes after their return from Uganda where they were sent to suppress the Ebola Uprising. Laurel and Hardy of the Venango County Military have served the Nation of the Venango States of America ever since its secession in early 2025. Their most recent deployment to Uganda was short lived when it was discovered that the Ebola Uprising referred to a virus and no

The recent conflict between Allegheny County and the nations of Washington and Lawrence County are now rising dramatically. Sir Lawrence of New Castle, capital of Lawrence County, is calling on Mayor Dambuilder of Aliquippa, capital of Beaver County, to send troops to help drive the Allegheny forces away from his lands. As Mayor Steelhead of Pittsburgh continues his campaign to take West Pittsburg (a tiny town south of New Castle) from Lawrence County, knights serving the kin

The world was rocked last winter when East Crawford introduced a weapon never before seen in the fictional universe. A round substance made out of the white, fluffy stuff that falls from the sky was perfectly shaped into what Titusville's scientific geniuses called a snowball. Despite several attempts, professors at Venango University could not replicate the creation of this massive superweapon, as the ball continuously changed into liquid when placed over a hot burner. Befor

The militaries of Allegheny County and Washington County found themselves at an immediate stalemate in the first battle of the Southwestern Pennsylvania War. Deficiencies in their weapons varied between both groups, as each side found it impossible to fire upon the approaching enemy. Washington County's 1776 muskets with iron projectiles were incapable of penetrating the steel skeletal structure of soldiers serving the Allegheny military. Additionally, the bayonet charge also

The City of Pittsburgh is being investigated for allegations of misleading tourists with the phrase "Steel City." This came after a woman fell 20 feet through a collapsed stairway, requiring assistance to save her. The incident took place Sunday, August 2nd, on the 2500 block of Mission Street. A woman was walking on a set of stairs that experts state were actually made of rotting wood. The woman is said to have fallen through to a depth of about 20 feet, requiring her to rec

Corry, Pennsylvania, capital of Erie County's east side, has pledged its support for the City of Erie in the conflict over Millcreek's Mall Gun. This came after Mayor Derail of Corry announced to the press how nice it would be for his city to have a mall of their own. "Every attempt I make to give this town a nice vibe continually fails," Derail told the press. "Perhaps if we side with Erie, they will let us have the Mall Gun in Kearsarge." The Mall Gun in Kearsarge has been

President Mayor Blunders of the Venango States of America is weighing in on the conflict between Millcreek and the City of Erie. After learning of the two townships going to war over the giant Mall Gun pointed in Erie's direction, Blunders has threatened to use his influence to force Millcreek to bend to his will. Satalite view of Millcreek's giant Mall Gun pointed toward Erie The only problem facing Blunders is that he has no influence. He is literally just the Mayor of Oil

The southern portion of Allegheny County is at risk of being split in two after the fall of South Park on Wednesday. Washington's troops are mobilizing and preparing to move on Pleasant Hills Township if Allegheny troops do not relocate quickly enough to defend it. In a press briefing today, Mayor George Washington of Washington Township, capital of Washington County, voiced his motivation for the campaign he has placed on the shoulders of his army. "We are but a people of on

Washington County has officially moved into Allegheny territory, laying siege to the industrial city of South Park Township. Residents are now in a state of emergency, being forced to live under the oppression of musket-weilding weirdos. To make matters worse, they have reportedly killed Kenny. The event took place at around 9 o'clock Wednesday evening, when several soldiers, all of whom are named George Washington, marched onto the city, taking possession of major roadways s

Three unrelated communities are now feeling personally attacked after a sign and a series of Facebook posts caused their worlds to collide. A billboard displaying a red mark over the part of a man that produces controversial life decisions seems to target people who get shot between the legs. This, however, is not the target audience. When using the talent of reading, observers quickly discover that it is actually speaking to those who clipped their junk. Meanwhile, the Flags