Beaver County Sends Logs to Pittsburgh as Venango Lays Siege

President Mayor Dambuilder of Beaver County has announced plans to send logs to the aid of Pittsburgh and Allegheny County. This came after a press briefing this morning, where Dambuilder expressed his desire to preserve a strong relationship with Mayor Steelhead of Pittsburgh.

Entrenched outside the city limits, the forces representing the Venango County military are waiting to make their move. Nine-year-old Timmy, as well as Laurel and Hardy, who serve as Venango County's only soldiers, have been tasked with regaining Oil City's rotary phone and carrier pigeon. They are heavily armed with spitballs and muffin hand grenades.

The Steel City is powerless against the spitballs of their northern foe. Already six soldiers have been struck in the face and reportedly succumbed to their rusty wounds.

Since the city is made entirely of steel, as well as their citizens, natives of Pittsburgh are living in fear for their lives. Mayor Dambuilder has assured Pittsburgh that their logs are entirely waterproof and possess the same quality used to build dams. If defenses can be assembled fast enough, Venango County's artillery may be rendered useless against the Allegheny forces.

In the meantime, soldiers representing Venango County are working out a strategy to attack Pittsburgh. We will keep you informed on this developing story.