If ever you find yourself visiting the city of forgotten purpose, be prepared for what you may see at Titusville's Max Security Prison. The exact whereabouts of this location remain anonymous due to the dangerous nature of the facility's inhabitants. Additionally, the corner of East Central and South Brown Street are incredibly busy compared to other sections of Titusville that would make for an inconvenient detour. Our journalists in the field were given leads as to the exac

The Firefighter Challenge U.S. National Championship is facing backlash after pictures surfaced revealing a dummy violating Title 18, Section 3127 of the Pennsylvania Consolidated Statutes. According to witnesses, the dummy was observed outside of the Voodoo Bar and Grill with his rear end completely exposed for anyone walking by. This means that the mannequin may be subject to consequences for committing indecent exposure. The dummy has not been identified. After the image s

Police in Forest County are on high alert after a man allegedly put trash in a business's dumpster. According to reports by ExploreClarion, an unidentified man is throwing trash in waste containers that do not belong to him. Apparently, the theft of services is valued at $289. Don't take our word for it. That's the value cited in the police report. They put this under crime.... According to reports, police were dispatched to the scene of the dumpster August 22nd at about 9 a.

14th Street in downtown Erie is under a state of emergency after a Voodoo Reaper has reportedly stolen the hat of city-renowned singer Matthias Bankrupt Landbonnet. According to sources from the Erie Eardrum, the Reaper has been identified as the man whose name means God's peace, and whose last name means a mountain of transparent illuminating color. Apparently his first name also is a peaceful dust cleaner as well We don't share real names. For the real name, please consult

An Erie-based sound production company is facing widespread scrutiny after several individuals report being struck in the heart by arrow tipped sound waves. This comes after months of summertime concerts hosted by a company known as Arrowtone Productions, where attendees state they were impaled physically when the speakers literally shot projectiles their directions. According to some victims, the music coming through the speakers not only brought the joy of music, but also t

He has chosen to remain anonymous. Nonetheless, the video he posted of himself going head to head with a Flock camera proves that the might of one individual can overcome the adversity of technological tyranny. A man, who we will refer to as Actual Intelligence, had the genius idea to fight fire with fire. On a Friday morning, he thought to himself, “If a Flock cameras' primary form of oppression is filming people, why not film them in return?” Though short on time, he got in

An Oil City resident is under fire after admitting his involvement in the destruction of the northern steeple of St. Stephens Church. According to unreliable sources, the man responsible was attempting to hang a banner with 93 theses on it before causing the top portion to implode. His excavator has been confiscated along with monk status. "I just had a bunch of ideas to share." States the man who has been identified as Marty McLuthy. "I wasn't trying to destroy the steeple.

A humble Erie resident has gained citywide fame after a mishap that took place last Saturday. A man who from now on will forever be known as Beefcake prevented a disastrous situation when he pulled an intoxicated man away from the stage at the Voodoo Bar and Grill on State Street. Overnight, the man became an Erie legend due to his muscular upper torso and fearless, heroic demeanor. After our article hit the internet, the man who we refer to as Beefcake texted our CEO to say

The city of Erie faced the dilemma of two village idiots running rampant in the town during Saturday's Celebrate Erie festivities. An unidentified man, who we will refer to as Natural Intoxication, rushed the stage during a performance at the Voodoo Bar and Grill. The Venango Republic has already covered the story pertaining to the first idiot in our last article. It was our creator who managed to lose his car. In this instance, the second idiot posed greater dangers to the p

A visitor to Erie's annual Celebrate Erie festival, managed to lose his car due to a simple oversight of NOT noting which street he left it on. This came after personal stupidity drove him to ignore corner street signs that were clearly visible when he walked right by. According to sources, the man who lost his vehicle has been identified as the creator of the Venango Republic. After arriving at approximately 12:42 p.m. on Saturday, he exited his car just beyond the corner of

It was a daring but necessary act to impress the friend who lacked courage to do the same pointless thing. Young Francis Footmodel risked everything Tuesday night when he approached a strangers house, driving the heel of his foot gently into the lowest possible level of the front door, before making his daring escape. Click picture for video "I was scared for sure." Francis Footmodel told the press. "I really tried to keep it light because breaking my foot would ruin my abili

A Sherwin Williams plant in Beaver County is facing massive fines after failing to take measures to prevent stinking up the county. According to information provided by the first radio station to ever exist, Rochester has fallen victim to smells so bad, sealing up the houses accomplishes nothing. A notice was delivered to the plant leadership from the Pennsylvania DEP. Our journalists investigated the meaning behind "DEP" and determined it has nothing to do with the actor who

A Northhampton woman is facing charges of theft after putting faith in the unlikely scenario of all Walmart security cameras not working. According to information provided by the Clarion Psych, Mrs. Three's Acharm of Northhampton loaded an entire cart of unspecified items before taking off in a vehicle she imagined into existence. "I assumed that if you pretend police don't exist, that somehow that would help me get away," states Acharm. "I completely forgot to pretend I had

A group of motor cyclists are being investigated after allegedly using their bikes to do tricks at the Blues and Jazz Festival in Erie. The event took place Friday at some unspecified time in front of what most consider to be the second best stage. The matter was quickly resolved, but not before we figured out how to wildly exaggerate the circumstance for the sake of dishonest propaganda. Several non-existing witnesses had a lot to say about the situation. The few bikers we h

A goose native to Erie became the victim of a hit and run this week, causing the community to lose their shoot. According to sources in the flightless bird community, Arnold Quack of Erie was tending to his duty as an existing goose in the Wintergreen Gorge Cemetery, a public attraction with lifeless human exhibits. While attempting to cross the road, Mr. Quack suddenly joined the lifeless human exhibits when he was run down by a vehicle, officially ending his life. Authoriti

Western Pennsylvania's most famous crime families are at war after a member of the Genevieve family spread rumors about Gamblingcasino boss Jon Got Ye. Information is still vague, with reports only confirming allegations that the Genevieve family intentionally used prayer request time to implicate guilt against the Gamblingcasino family's longtime leader. Sources say a member of the Genevieve family stood up at the First Presbyterian Church in Clarion to request prayer for Jo

Millcreek Township residents can relax after another cliché coyote sighting has been revealed to be the Chuck E. Cheese rat taking a smoke break. A viral post on the All Things Happening Millcreek group left hundreds of residents in fear Sunday morning when they perceived the alleged perpetrator as a coyote. Fortunately, a handful of observers were able to identify the suspect as Charles Entertainment Cheese, mascot of the Chuck E. Cheese franchise. The picture of Charles the

A sea turtle is in critical condition after accidentally getting too close to a string of straws running through Forest County. According to officials, the turtle was attempting to pass through Allegheny National Forest when it unexpectedly came across a series of straws running along the ground. Moments later, a straw got stuck in the turtle's nose for dramatic effect. Sources confirm that the string of straws is President Mayor Blunders' pipeline, which is being constructed

Several months of court proceedings have led to the Venango Republic's first loss in the case against an anonymous user, who controversially used Venango Republic content as their own meme, without the written consent of Blobbert Blobfish, founder and CEO of the Venango Republic. In the weeks leading up to Friday's hearing, Blobfish, along with his lead journalist, Jeremy Jetfuel, argued that a successful case against the anonymous Facebook user would require the courts to kn

An abandoned building is under fire after intentionally defying its owners' rules by taking a smoke break on sacred grounds. According to information provided by the Pittsburgh Post Pardom, the former Grandview United Methodist Church located at 301 Grandview Ave. in Pittsburgh, decided to help itself to a substance known to cause lung cancer. Fortunately, the building now ceases to exist and therefore, will not be risking lung cancer. "I'm just glad it spent its last moments