Ice Boom Responsible for Floods Across the State to Appear Before Judge

A local ice boom is set to appear in court after months of pending charges for abandoning his post. The inanimate object known to Venango residents as Bob has pending charges for his decision to leave his comrades and go floating down the river.

Experts are suggesting that Bob's negligence led to ice breakage that impacted all connecting waterways between Western Pennsylvania's most northern point and regions south of Pittsburgh. Bob denies the allegations to the events last February, citing that the ice broke due to rising temperatures.

Bob is being represented by Western Pennsylvania's dumbest attorney, Jake Horking Kake. Horking Kake has been collecting evidence all week in preparation for the upcoming trial. So far, he managed to find 3 seashells he bought from Walmart, which will serve no purpose whatsoever.

Horking Kake and Ice Boom following February trial. Horking Kake is off topic as usual.

The trial is set to take place Friday at 9 a.m. before the honorable Judge Beagle. It will be televised should Horking Kake successfully smuggle his phone into the courtroom.