Salvation has finally arrived for Venango County from members of the Pennsylvania Land and Treaty Organization. West Crawford has successfully sent five troops across 322 and have finally reached Franklin, Pennsylvania, to help Venango County push East Crawford back to their own region. Meanwhile, to the east of Venango, Clarion County troops are still unaccounted for. The troops who left their city around 9 a.m. yesterday got lost and haven't been seen since. Venango is unsu

The inconsistencies for each game in the 2026 season were “not the team’s fault,” according to Coach Numbskull. For this reason, he made it his goal to get the Oil Spills to the Superbowl at all costs. The team started a GoFundMe page but were quickly disappointed to learn that nobody contributed a cent. With the coffee can containing the city treasury still missing, and the residents unable to remember what currency looks like, the Oil Spills had no choice but to pick a dire

With nothing to defend the city of Oil City, the East Crawford military conducted an operation in sabotaging the Seneca Street Bridge on the north side of town. The attack was a success, as five snowballs left the bridge inoperable and too dangerous to drive across, as the frozen substance made the surface slippery. The attack took place at 12:13 today, with the snowball bombshells dropping on the bridge with excessive force. Citizens living nearby the bridge heard the ruckus

Venango County is under attack, with nothing standing between East Crawford troops and the capital of Oil City. Mayor Blunders is requesting aid from surrounding counties after East Crawford troops easily surpassed the Venango County border defenses, who apparently were asleep during the invasion. Witnesses say that at about 7:30 this morning, East Crawford military men could be seen tiptoeing across the border prior to stealing the roller skates that Venango County’s militar

Venango County has received further support from another ally, as the mayor of Clarion Township signed a bill to send 2,000 textbooks from Clarion University to help aid in the war with East Crawford. According to sources, Mayor Intellect of Clarion learned of the recent invasion when one troop stepped across the border of Venango, claiming a square foot of land. It took two days of negotiating with Congress in Clarion County, but Mayor Intellect was able to push through an o

An Oil City man stood in a Center Street square last night to perform his own Super Bowl halftime show to rival Bad Bunny's performance. According to sources, Mr. Jethro Bodine grabbed his guitar after seeing what he considered a horrific, unwholesome performance during the NFL final competition. "I just knew in that moment that I had to give America an alternative option to the Super Bowl halftime show," states Mr. BoDean. "That's when I grabbed my guitar and ran down to Cit

The message was heard clearly over the radio just as the announcer was promoting local events. "Ice is on the ground" the announcer stated over the airwaves. The attendees of the annual Franklin on Ice event stood in shock as they heard the report of what was taking place. One moment, the announcer was promoting their event. The next moment, they learned that their safety was in jeopardy. “I couldn’t tell if they were talking about border security agents, or if the announcer

“It was humiliating,” states Henry Hartfield of Cranberry Township. “I genuinely wanted to be scammed.” Hartfield’s goal was to have his bank account cleared so that he wouldn’t have to pay child support. Unfortunately, Hartfield was scammed in a good way when the car extended warranty wound up being a genuine offer. Now, the biggest struggle for Hartfield is figuring out how to cancel his warranty. Countless calls to customer service result in endless menus that refuse to pu

Typically, a question beginning with the phrase "if you had the power" suggests that people don’t really have the power. Nonetheless, instead of offering perspective on where locals do have power to make a change, Explore Venango decided to ask people what they would do if living in the past could make a difference. A picture was posted to Explore Nothing’s Facebook page early Thursday morning with the caption, “Let’s play mall tycoon.” The post then asked visitors what store

A local pastor is under fire after encouraging congregation members to seek help somewhere else. According to witnesses from the First Church of Highminded Pricks, Pastor Jonathan Wicklebarel turned people away in a message about his lack of real-life experience. According to Wicklebarel, he was raised in a home with “no exposure to real-life dangers.” At the age of 49, he says he still doesn’t know what a naked woman looks like, and only has children thanks to the stork that

The 2026 Shippenville Granny Awards featured some of the towns most prominant figures. With local celbrities numbering by the one's, attendees stood in awe as their favorite role models made a rare public appearance. Many of these figures are only ever seen twice a week at church events making this festivity a once in a yeartime experience. Here is what you missed at the 2026 Granny Awards in Shippenville. Fashion Designs Fashion designs dazzled the crowd of 20 participants w

The recent invasion of Venango County by East Crawford County troops has the United Counties discussing what role each should play in the conflict. Yesterday, war broke out between East Crawford and Venango County when one of Titusville’s troops stepped over the border, laying claim to a square foot of land. The matter was resolved quickly when the two military men were called back to Titusville by their wives for a pre-scheduled dinner date. Mayor Blunders, however, fears th

Police responded to the report of a “suspicious” vehicle outside of a convenience store Wednesday morning after a gas station owner in Brookville determined that the car looked suspicious. According to reports from Explore Nothingness, the car became incredibly suspicious after a tire fell off, rendering the vehicle twice as suspicious. Upon further investigation, it was determined that the vehicle was being driven by some dude from Nicaragua, who we guess came to north Amer

Mayor Dumdum of Titusville, capital of East Crawford County, has officially pushed political tensions to the breaking point. Reports say that one of the two troops sent by Dumdum to patrol the border on Route 8 has crossed into Venango County, handing at least one foot of space to Titusville. "This act against our country will not stand," Mayor Blunders told the press upon hearing the news of the recent attack. "We will retaliate, and avenge the lives that were lost at the ha

"The deal has no chance..." Mayor Steelhead told the press this morning after his brief interaction with the Mayor of Oil City. "I really just did this because he seems fragile and could use a false sense of power." After the meeting, Mayor Blunders left McDonald's with a giant smile, as if convinced he had a chance to change the name of the Allegheny River. According to Mayor Steelhead, he "found it amusing to lead him on." With this being Mayor Blunders' proposal, many were

The Center Street Bridge in Oil City has been the center of controversy for several years now. Ever since the Main Street Program had the less than bright idea to install 88 thousand dollar lights on the bridge, no house on the north side can turn on their electricity after 7 PM. Consequently, the tourists it was supposed to draw still don't know they exist.... Until now! According to sources, someone found out about the bridge lights thanks to The Venango Republic trolling t

Unlike the days when Al Capone reigned in the streets of Chicago, petty crimes have not ceased in the last century. With mafia members ruling the blocks of New York City, the much less famous families of north western Pennsylvania’s isolated communities get away with minor violations that are often overlooked. From spitting off bridges, to unpaid parking fines, to leaving gum underneath tables, the families living on the edge of boredom make their presence known in the most d

Are you kidding?????????

The world is waiting anxiously for the biggest annual event this side of isolation. With the 2026 Franklin On Ice event kicking off this Saturday, many are excited to watch chainsaws massacre chunks of frozen residue in an attempt to create majestic figures that probably won't last the weekend. What does this mean on an international level? Absolutely nothing! But we are still going to exaggerate, hoping it brings the boom days back! Experts fear once again that coverage of t

Oil City's disappointment concerning the NFL's negligence to invite them to the Super Bowl has left Coach Numbskull in disbelief. Week after week, the organization has met at the cornfield on the north side of town in Hassen Heights, preparing for every game. With a 0-0-0 record for the 2025-2026 season, Numbskull says that it isn't his fault no other team showed up to play his organization. "My boys have worked very hard this year," Coach Numbskull told the press. "If we can