Mayor Steelhead's campaign to steal West Pittsburg from Lawrence County ended in a withdrawal from the region. This came after Allegheny troops noted the impossible task of moving an entire town, along with its infrastructure, back to a separate region. The technicality was first realized after the Knights of New Castle found their firework weapons useless against the steel skeletal structures of Allegheny soldiers, whose faces are literally steel beams. The Allegheny militar

He has chosen to remain anonymous. Nonetheless, the video he posted of himself going head to head with a Flock camera proves that the might of one individual can overcome the adversity of technological tyranny. A man, who we will refer to as Actual Intelligence, had the genius idea to fight fire with fire. On a Friday morning, he thought to himself, “If a Flock cameras' primary form of oppression is filming people, why not film them in return?” Though short on time, he got in

Researchers from the University of Venango have discovered the benefit of having a roof over one's house as it relates to preventing rain from pouring in. A case study consisting of more than 20 structures found that those with shingles covering a wooden overhang helped reduce the likelihood of flooding within the home by 100%. This, of course, applies specifically to roofs that have been perfectly sealed. The houses with no roof whatsoever seemed to have the highest suscepti

Mayor Blunders of Oil City has learned through informants of Warren's decision to reroute the Lockrock Pipeline to their local sewage. This came after Warren warned Blunders to stop siphoning their oil through the 50 miles of straws Blunders ordered to be constructed. The Lockrock Pipeline was intended to resurrect the oil industry through a genius initiative gone wrong. Although Blunders was able to successfully purchase enough straws to reach Warren, he did not have the fun

It is the first war in history that has not resulted in a single casualty. Three counties are currently facing a noncombative stalemate due to the impenetrable nature of various soldiers, as well as the fear of other more vulnerable soldiers getting hurt in the conflict. Washington County has successfully reached their objective of Mount Washington in Pittsburgh. After months of demands for Allegheny to surrender the natural monument, Mayor George Washington of Washington Tow

An Oil City resident is under fire after admitting his involvement in the destruction of the northern steeple of St. Stephens Church. According to unreliable sources, the man responsible was attempting to hang a banner with 93 theses on it before causing the top portion to implode. His excavator has been confiscated along with monk status. "I just had a bunch of ideas to share." States the man who has been identified as Marty McLuthy. "I wasn't trying to destroy the steeple.

The Venango County Supreme Court has temporarily lifted the ban on Mayor Blunders' east wing ballroom to City Hall, Venango's capital building. This came moments ago after Blunders insisted to the court that the project will be funded by private donors. The Outhouse, which was constructed last year after Blunders burned down the original, has seen massive upgrades in the last year. The implementation of an observatory on the roof, fire escape on the upper level, and a bidet t

The week-long campaign to destroy the Millcreek Mall is coming to an end after several waves have failed to leave any damage. President Mayor Blunders of Oil City hoped to strengthen relations with Erie by helping to disempower Millcreek. Unfortunately, hundreds of muffins launched at the Mall Gun failed to bring any destruction. Now, Venango County has an even greater struggle facing them. One that is far more pressing than their relationship with Erie. The southern border o

A humble Erie resident has gained citywide fame after a mishap that took place last Saturday. A man who from now on will forever be known as Beefcake prevented a disastrous situation when he pulled an intoxicated man away from the stage at the Voodoo Bar and Grill on State Street. Overnight, the man became an Erie legend due to his muscular upper torso and fearless, heroic demeanor. After our article hit the internet, the man who we refer to as Beefcake texted our CEO to say

The mayor of Warren issued a statement this morning, sending a clear message to Mayor Blunders of Oil City. At 9 a.m., Fossilfuel told the press that if Mayor Blunders does not disassemble his LockRock pipeline, he will sabotage it with toilet water. The LockRock pipeline was an initiative to revive the oil industry by siphoning Warren's oil. It has failed dramatically. Venango County is only able to afford drinking straws. Additionally, the pipeline requires more than 50 mil

Erie's most famous outdoor happy hour experience is now facing the risk of losing a chunk of their demographic. According to reports by the Erie Eardrum, an entrepreneur is planning to open up an outdoor catering experience with a unique twist Oliver's has not adopted. The woman responsible for opening the monstrosity is one Karen Suckit, of 865 Prick Street. Karen states that she has wanted to offer an experience to Erie that would give Oliver's a run for its money. Now, sev

The stalemate at Baldwin Borough is now evolving to favor the Washington County military, despite the superiority of Allegheny soldiers and their steel skeletal structures. Washington troops have decided to progress towards Pittsburgh after noting that the enemy does not want to harm them. According to reports from the Pittsburgh Pothole Gazzet, Allegheny soldiers are unwilling to strike their foe after finding out the enemy's iron bullets and bayonets are too weak to penetra

The city of Erie faced the dilemma of two village idiots running rampant in the town during Saturday's Celebrate Erie festivities. An unidentified man, who we will refer to as Natural Intoxication, rushed the stage during a performance at the Voodoo Bar and Grill. The Venango Republic has already covered the story pertaining to the first idiot in our last article. It was our creator who managed to lose his car. In this instance, the second idiot posed greater dangers to the p

A visitor to Erie's annual Celebrate Erie festival, managed to lose his car due to a simple oversight of NOT noting which street he left it on. This came after personal stupidity drove him to ignore corner street signs that were clearly visible when he walked right by. According to sources, the man who lost his vehicle has been identified as the creator of the Venango Republic. After arriving at approximately 12:42 p.m. on Saturday, he exited his car just beyond the corner of

It was a daring but necessary act to impress the friend who lacked courage to do the same pointless thing. Young Francis Footmodel risked everything Tuesday night when he approached a strangers house, driving the heel of his foot gently into the lowest possible level of the front door, before making his daring escape. Click picture for video "I was scared for sure." Francis Footmodel told the press. "I really tried to keep it light because breaking my foot would ruin my abili

The Titusville Aeronautics and Space Administration (TASA) has stretched the limits of space travel beyond what was originally thought possible for Western Pensylvania. A recent press release leaked via the Crawford Carnage reveals another rocket, constructed in Titusville, has achieved new altitudes never before seen by those lacking in inteligence. Mayor Dumbdumb tests 15th rocket this year Details are limited, with East Crawford reporters only braging about the altitude, b

Military action agains the Mall in Kearsarge is finally showing progress after the second wave of Venango County soldiers successfully took out the no "loitering sign." The event took place at 2 PM Wednesday after 5 hours of muffin strikes left the south side parking lot full of muffins. Laurel and Hardy of the Venango County Military relentlessly tossed everything they had in their muffin carrying bags before charging ahead to recolect the muffins, retreat, and repeat the pr

A Sherwin Williams plant in Beaver County is facing massive fines after failing to take measures to prevent stinking up the county. According to information provided by the first radio station to ever exist, Rochester has fallen victim to smells so bad, sealing up the houses accomplishes nothing. A notice was delivered to the plant leadership from the Pennsylvania DEP. Our journalists investigated the meaning behind "DEP" and determined it has nothing to do with the actor who

Laurel and Hardy of the Venango County Military have officially arrived in Millcreek with orders to take out the giant Mall Gun pointed at Erie's capital of Erie. The two soldiers are armed with state-of-the-art muffin hand grenades along with the most expensive spitball launchers Venango County can afford. President Mayor Blunders of Oil City has ordered the destruction of the Mall Gun with the hope of strengthening intercountial relations. It has been over an hour, and the

Does carrying heavy objects require more strength? A study from Fairview University in Butler County suggests that the more weight that's applied to an object, the more muscle one must have to lift it effectively. All 24 subjects, who make up the town's population, were placed in a room for professors to observe. Each subject was handed items of various weight quantities. Professors noted that the two most differentiating objects were the anvil and the toothbrush, which seeme