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Population plummets by 2 residents
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East Crawford Prevents Semis from Entering Venangos' North Side
Tension is rising once again between East Crawford and Venango County, as Mayor Dumdum of Titusville, capital of East Crawford County, is declaring Venango in violation of the Western Pennsylvania Convention, which prohibits space travel without the approval of the other counties. Mayor Blunders of Oil City, capital of Venango County, states that his attempt to fly to the moon is completely justified under Article C of the Western Pennsylvania Accords. Mayor Blunders, who has
Oil City Light Up Night Blows Fuse on Bridge; Backup Power Failure
The eighty-eight thousand dollar spectacle famously known to Oil City residents on the Northside Center Street Bridge has officially shut off for the first time in its history. According to sources, the lights instantly lost power just milliseconds after the city lit the downtown tree for the Light-Up Night event. Sources confirm that the famous bridge lights could not withstand the power of the tree being lit in the center of Oil City. Despite attempts to try to use the back
Borough Approves Free Parking in Clarion Until December 26th — After That, You’re On Your Own, Peasants
A unanimous decision has been made to allow free parking in certain sections of Clarion Township, because apparently those extra quarters are needed to help locals afford their gifts this year. According to sources, the free two-hour parking granted by the borough has been established to help local businesses draw in more people, once again hinting at the idea that the town is dirt poor. In early October, council members debated long and hard over the course of five minutes t
General News
East Crawford Prevents Semis from Entering Venangos' North Side
Tension is rising once again between East Crawford and Venango County, as Mayor Dumdum of Titusville, capital of East Crawford County, is declaring Venango in violation of the Western Pennsylvania Convention, which prohibits space travel without the approval of the other counties. Mayor Blunders of Oil City, capital of Venango County, states that his attempt to fly to the moon is completely justified under Article C of the Western Pennsylvania Accords. Mayor Blunders, who has
Oil City Light Up Night Blows Fuse on Bridge; Backup Power Failure
The eighty-eight thousand dollar spectacle famously known to Oil City residents on the Northside Center Street Bridge has officially shut off for the first time in its history. According to sources, the lights instantly lost power just milliseconds after the city lit the downtown tree for the Light-Up Night event. Sources confirm that the famous bridge lights could not withstand the power of the tree being lit in the center of Oil City. Despite attempts to try to use the back
Borough Approves Free Parking in Clarion Until December 26th — After That, You’re On Your Own, Peasants
A unanimous decision has been made to allow free parking in certain sections of Clarion Township, because apparently those extra quarters are needed to help locals afford their gifts this year. According to sources, the free two-hour parking granted by the borough has been established to help local businesses draw in more people, once again hinting at the idea that the town is dirt poor. In early October, council members debated long and hard over the course of five minutes t
Politics
East Crawford Prevents Semis from Entering Venangos' North Side
Tension is rising once again between East Crawford and Venango County, as Mayor Dumdum of Titusville, capital of East Crawford County, is declaring Venango in violation of the Western Pennsylvania Convention, which prohibits space travel without the approval of the other counties. Mayor Blunders of Oil City, capital of Venango County, states that his attempt to fly to the moon is completely justified under Article C of the Western Pennsylvania Accords. Mayor Blunders, who has
Venango County Announces Plans to Send Ship to the Moon Through VASA Program
Venango County, in response to Eastern Crawford's successful space launch, has announced their intent to be the first of Western Pennsylvania's counties to land on the moon. This came several months after Titusville, capital of East Crawford County, successfully launched a $15 rocket 10 feet into the air, declaring that they had successfully made it to space. Mayor Blunders of Oil City, who announced the implementation of a new space program, a.k.a. VASA, states that the lack
Oil City Announces New Recycling Program: “Put It in a Bag and Hope”
It has been several years since Oil City’s recycling program went out of business. The end of the recycling company devastated the region, as it was the last remaining major industry following the departure of oil refineries. Since then, residents have been forced to place their unrecycled plastic in sharp-edged cans at the edge of their yards to act as natural defense systems against unwanted deer. Many have lost hope in the idea that a recycling corporation will return to t
Opinion
Local Officials Insist "People Are Coming Back" Despite Population Decreasing
In the wake of a COVID pandemic back in December of 2020, a Venango County commissioner stood in the center of Oil City during the Light...
I Tried Reading the Venango Republic… Here’s Why I’ll Never Do It Again
The exercise of free speech is a privelege Amercans value immensely. So much, that we hold public debates on campuses and fearlessly post...
What Exists Outside Venango County: Experts Weigh in
It has always been a mystery what lies beyond the border of Venango County. Locals have wondered for generations if life exists outside...
Sports
Oil City Oil Spills Open NFL Season Against Biggest Rival... Empty Seats....
The NFL season kicked off this afternoon with Oil City falling to last in the standings. With the NFL failing to respond to the teams...
Oil City Oil Spills Lose Preseason Opener Against Absolutely No One
OIL CITY – The long-awaited NFL preseason opener for the Oil City Oil Spills kicked off last night at Derrick Stadium… or at least it was...
Oil City Comebacks Take Part in Offseason Fundraiser
The Oil City Comebacks had a difficult year during the 2024-2025 NHL season. With a terrible record of 16 losing seasons, the team hoped...
Entertainment
Top 5 Things to Do in Venus Pensylvania
Fasten your seatbelts and get ready for the time of your... actually, it isn’t that much of an experience, but we’ll make it sound as...
Top 5 Ways Students Can Socialize in Clarion
Clarion Township, famously home to Clarion University, and that one cow sculpture near Sligo nobody asked for, proudly hosts students...
What You Missed at Oil Heritage Fest
Oil Heritage Fest kicked off with a parade stretching for mile (a plural would be a bigger stretch than the parade) with cars and floats...
Science
Study Shows Oil City’s Fastest Growing Industry Is Still… Its Residents’ Ability to Tolerate Disappointment
The Venango Republic does not take responsibility for any pigeons which may have been maimed by eagles during the production of this article. For more information, please visit KeepEaglesSafe.ThisWebsiteDoesntActuallyExist.com. And now, to our article, inspired by the headline which was submitted by Jenna of Franklin. Congratulations, Jenna! A recent study finds that Oil City has a new industry exceeding the income of all other forms of production. According to studies conduc
Study Finds Crawling Doesn't Make You Invisible to Camera
A recent study finds that crawling on the floor does not make any difference in how visible one is to a camera. According to research conducted by professors at Scrappy Joe's University, the act of kneeling on the floor still permits one to be observed even when roaming on all fours. The study consisted of two morons who were prompted by their egos to participate. Upon entering the test area, they were constantly monitored without their knowledge for a more authentic experien
Study: Somehow Living in Denial Makes it Better
A recent study found that intentionally exaggerating the progress of the region and denying the problems it faces somehow magically makes everything better. According to research conducted by the Wannabe Society, pretending everything is moving in the right direction accomplishes everything — even if it involves not addressing what is standing in the way of progress. "I have this rule to be optimistic, even to the extreme of lying about how much better things are becoming," s
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