Extraterestrial Beings are furious at the City of Erie after it was announced this morning that they will not rename Presque Isle to honor the legendary E.T. According to information from the Erie E. Coli, several bids to change the name were dismissed without any consideration of how close it resembles the hand of the former Erie native. An image can be seen below to help guide readers who suck at this kind of thing... Presque Isle without labels on left. With labels on righ

The press has brought a lot of scrutiny to Mayor Blunders over his involvement in erecting a chicken coup octagon on the Outhouse front lawn. His greatest criticism is using county land to host a ruthless contest between flightless birds. Now, the CEO of the Kentucky Fighting Chickens is stepping in to the defense of Blunders. Blunders and Whitemeat dedicate chicken octagon to Venango States Anniversary "KFC is the safest pro fighting sport for animals trying to kill each oth

County War 1 is now observing military engagements across the northwestern Pensylvania region. With soldiers from the Pensylvania Land and Treaty Organization now split on both ends of Route 322, the Allies have two fronts by which they are engaging the enemy. After taking the City of Clarion back from the Elk Empire, Jefferson troops are still tasked with having to repaint the border between Jefferson and Clarion County. Standing in their way are more than 23 Elk soldiers ar

The Pittsburgh Action News 4 weather team failed to execute thorough action prior to leaving the City of Clairton in confusion. A puzzling combination of letters left many wondering if Clairton was renamed to an allergen or just mistakenly misspelled with a typo. One Facebook user managed to capture the event with modern cellular photography asking the community "who did this?" The post went viral in a two-day period, with 82 likes, 64 comments, and six entire shares. Now, th

The Venango County Military alongside Mercer soldiers are marching closer to the City of Meadville where Mayor Dogfood has been taken hostage. Accompanying them are the two German shepherd soldiers armed with Meow Mix who were originally sent by West Crawford for Venango's defense. It has been several days since the armies were sent to recapture West Crawford from the enemies of Mercer, Elk, and East Crawford. Despite the journey only requiring 9 hours on foot, the armies wer

The City of Clarion can finally celebrate liberation from the Elk Empire thanks to the genius military tactics performed by Jeferson County tunnel hog soldiers. At 8 PM Monday evening, an operation took place to catch the Elk soldiers laying siege to Clarion by surprise. The county capital, which has been covered in snow for months, gave way to a series of tunnels dug beneath the city to collapse its foundation. Now, Clarion is free from Elk rule and can live continuously kno

We here at the Venango Republic are complete idiots doing our best to report the most accurate nonsensical information possible. With that said, we sometimes come across posts with obvious implications we intentionally get wrong for stupidity's sake. We promise not to do that here. We may have a track record of breaking them. But you can be sure that we will not let that happen this time. A woman posted to a Mercer community page about a gunner on the loose. Instead of taking

The industrial City of Millcreek is on the brink of collapse after a Facebook post revealed a traffic light requiring contradicting acts. The man posting the picture is reportedly not blind and capable of at least knowing what colors go where, suggesting that the picture has only been doctored with the addition of the arrow. After the post, the town was instantly devastated by tensions never before seen on an economic scale. Between looting, protests turned ugly, and that guy

A major power surge impacting townships in Venango County reportedly caused an electrical fire at the Sheetz location, with several fire departments responding to the scene. Spectators state that they also saw fire trucks heading towards the UPMC location. Although we are technically a fake news website, we will do our due diligence and not report anything about UPMC. As for the Sheetz location located on 322 and 257, we are able to accurately report that the business no long

The war is far from over as the Pensylvania Land and Treaty Organization works to regain the lost counties taken by the Zugnar Alliance. The recent success in regaining the entirety of Venango County has instilled hope throughout the known world of Western Pensylvania. As troops progress into the outer regions of West Crawford and Clarion, those residing in the Venango States of America are relieved to know they are finally free. Political powers have learned a huge lesson fr

A heated debate in Allegheny County has business owners arguing against the proposal of an 18-week paid leave for pregnant mothers. Now, a counterproposal is building more tension among the locals with the suggestion of free child labor to offset the paid time off. We here at the Venango Republic recognize the level of backlash satire like this could bring upon our respectable organization. Consequently, we have decided to use an alternative meaning for the phrase "child labo

A Millcreek resident with ancestry dating back thousands of years is facing backlash for trying to be involved in its local community. According to sources from the Erie Werewolf Times, Ms. Kai O.T. is facing criticism online for her attempt to stand in someone's yard and exist as a form of decor. The outburst began at about 8 p.m. Wednesday evening when Miss O.T. was captured on camera standing in a yard near the J.S. Wilson Middle School. The picture was posted online and i

Shots have been fired near the Boston Store in downtown Erie with many citing what sounded like a discharge of Meow Mix. 3 Elk were observed laying on the edge of State Street disillusioned by what reportedly may be cat food striking them in the face. The incident occurred just moments ago and suggests an uprising of former West Crawford soldiers forming a rebellion. The West Crawford military was disbanded roughly two weeks ago when Elk County took over their nation. East Cr

For readers residing outside of Venango County, one of our local restaurants now has a protective barrier featuring a guide rail less than six feet long. We don't really have many issues with cars flying into that restaurant, but it seems the city felt the need to place a barrier there anyways. To add to the confusion, those driving on Benjamin's side still get to keep two lanes. However, the one on the far left must turn left now. Images depicting the before and after effect

The six militaries of the Pennsylvania Land and Treaty Organization are now putting up a fight to escape the entrapment of the Elk Empire. Just less than a month after Venango County was reduced to the size of Oil City, all forces guarding the Venango States Capital are now progressing outward to regain the regions overtaken by Mayor Bighorn's soldiers. Western Pennsylvania last April on the left. Western Pensylvania now on the right. Marching toward the border of the Crawfor

The decline of participating students at Penn West Clarion has created a fear among locals about the future of their historic university. Since the pandemic of 2020, enrollment has dropped to half of what was originally the annual average attendance. Now, experts are predicting economic hardship stemming from the industry that justified the presence of their young population. In a press release today, university president, Admitda Feet, encouraged students to remind their fri

Minutes ago, Laurel and Hardy of the Venango County military successfully executed an operation that ensured the repossession of their lost industrial City of Franklin. According to reports by President Mayor Blunders of the Venango States of America, special ops armed with spitball launchers and 4th of July poppers were able to eradicate one of the Elk Empire's highest ranking leaders. Blunders is now standing before the press gloating of the success. "Caribou Buckar Wapiti

A new chapter is about to begin in the story of Oil City's revival. Not one birthed from cliche visions observed in prior civilizations. But one with variety and an appeal to popular demand. Where lights illuminating from the ugliest bridge have drawn some as far as the Main Street Program, and an overpriced fountain as many as can afford a dime for a wish, more projects are in the making that will ensure security for the future of what has become the pride of everyone preten

Jammal Fart, Cranberry's only mall cop, has come forward to confess his role in the loud boom. This came one week after the incident which shook Franklin, and almost collapsed Oil City's Northside properties. The Derrick reported the incident as an unresolved investigation last Saturday. As of today, Fart has turned himself into the police revealing that he was the one who caused the loud boom. Jammal Fart coming clean Before we continue, we can explain the unusual change in

The industrial city of Millcreek is on high alert after a vague Facebook post has warned of a child riding a motor bike. According to the information, the child is "not a safe driver let alone a legal one." Given the vague context and multiple ways that sentence can be interpreted, we have no choice but to assume worst case scenario and report that the child is a menace. Fictional experts are warning residents to stay off the road even if they drive a heavier vehicle. Young E