Meow Mix Fired Near Boston Store: 3 Elk in Critical Condition

Shots have been fired near the Boston Store in downtown Erie with many citing what sounded like a discharge of Meow Mix. 3 Elk were observed laying on the edge of State Street disillusioned by what reportedly may be cat food striking them in the face.

The incident occurred just moments ago and suggests an uprising of former West Crawford soldiers forming a rebellion. The West Crawford military was disbanded roughly two weeks ago when Elk County took over their nation.

East Crawford soldiers now serving under the Crawfordiot Union are currently investigating the cat brand. State Street has now been officially blocked off to all fictional residents of the downtown region. All real people can still go about their business.

The Elk who are currently wounded have been rushed to LECOM where they are being admitted to the fictional patient facility. The hospital is currently facing a shortage of fictional medical personnel given that everyone in the hospital is real. Consequently, several fictional patients are being left untreated because the real staff lacks credentials to work with them.

Those wounded in the shooting are expected to recover, but may have to live the rest of their nonexistence with Meow Mix embedded in their bodies. Without a specialized doctor to remove the Meow Mix, they are hopeless to be the same as they were before they were struck.

The East Crawford military has not announced where the shots came from. It is expected to be one of the ones with a window or outlook. Meanwhile, former West Crawford troops will remain the primary suspects.