Small Town Enthusiast Says Penn West Clarion Will Recover

The decline of participating students at Penn West Clarion has created a fear among locals about the future of their historic university. Since the pandemic of 2020, enrollment has dropped to half of what was originally the annual average attendance. Now, experts are predicting economic hardship stemming from the industry that justified the presence of their young population.

In a press release today, university president, Admitda Feet, encouraged students to remind their friends back home that the college still exists. With commercial advertising evidently failing to reach the necessary demographic, Feet is turning to the inferior method of word of mouth.

Meanwhile, traditionalists insist the university is thriving as it always did with increased numbers backed by reversing the definition of decline. One former student, Mr. Saladis Gayfruit, states that the falling percentage must be seen through the lenses of denial if salvation is ever to be hoped for improperly.

Alternatively, other locals have suggested converting the college into a school for rabid primates, believing that it is in the best interest to advance the evolutionary process so that humans can have equally intelligent cousins with fur. One such supporter requested that the board consider replacing their entire staff with dolphins so that all intelligent species are considered on land and in the sea.

The statistics are not looking good for the towns only vibe. A meeting will be held sometime down the road to leave the impression that the board has options.