Erie Residents Detained for Curfew After Failing to Prove Adult Status

A recent standard enforced by Erie City lawmakers requires all children beneath the age of 18 to remain indoors from 10 PM and 6 AM. Now, lawmakers say they are facing scrutiny for citing adults who simply lack identification.

Mildred Gerdtrude, a lifelong resident of Erie Pennsylvania, says she was unable to produce identification when an officer unexpectedly asked where her parents were.

"My nurse tells me my parents died over 30 years ago." States Mrs. Gerdtrude of Presque Isle Village. "I don't remember their names. But my dogs name I don't remember."

Young Mildred walking where she is suspected of graffiti

With no identification provided, the police had no choice but to take her into custody.

Gerdtrude is not the only one claiming to be above a youthful age. Ralph Wilfred of the Harbor Creek Senior Care Center says he was detained. The evidence? Having one year of high school left.

"They said that the name of my care center was proof I am still in high school." Mr. Wilfred expressed from inside the waiting room. "I don't need an ID. The doctors won't let me drink and I can't drive because of my hip replacement."

Venango Republic Stone Mason, George Washington, interviews Mr. Wilfred before his detainment

Out of 22 interviews, only one said they were let off with a warning. Malik Omidubla, of the Greater Erie Suburbs, told us in detailed jive, exactly why the police let him go....

"'S'mofo butter layin' me to da' BONE! Jackin' me up... tight me!"

Unfortunately, none of our fictional staff knows how to speak jive. That's when a woman stepped in stating that she spoke jive and was willing to help.

Barbara Billingsley helps Venango Republic staff

According to that woman from Airplane, this joke is extremely racist, which is why we at the Venango Republic would like to say shame on you who laughed! You are a disgrace!

As we were saying... The person we were interviewing, who spoke fluent English and was dressed according to Erie school district standards, did not need an interpreter because he doesn't speak jive.

How Airplane should have presented those men!

Consequently, we called the police and had the interpreter detained for being past curfew.

"The police let me go because I said I have a job at Best Buy." States Malik Williamson of the Greater Erie Suburbs. "They even let me drive home without my parents present! Erie truly is great!"

The 21 other detained people are still waiting for their parents to come get them. Each have made a call home but are insisting they are dead. If anyone has information about the legal guardians of these children, please call Jenny at 8675309.