Jefferson Military Achieves Third Victory After Collapsing Capital City With Underground Tunnels

The method of collapsing public infrastructure is working in favor of the Pennsylvania Land and Treaty Organization. Jefferson County, who was initially brought to shame by their retreat from the Elk County invasion back in April, has now found redemption from a series of victories unforeseen by the western Pennsylvania world.

As of this morning, the Jefferson County Tunnel Hogs, a special division of the Jefferson County military, successfully completed an operation that collapsed their capital of Punxsutawney, ridding it of all Elk-invading troops. This comes after a series of other collapsed infrastructure to include the City of Clarion and the Cranberry Mall in Seneca, Pennsylvania.

Cranberry Mall on left, City of Clarion on right.

While each victory came at the cost of destroying landmarks familiar to each region, Jefferson says that the approach of groundhog guerrilla warfare was necessary in regaining the pride of what made their nation's patriots great.

"We were once a nation known for its ability to build tunnels of stability and tunnels of collapsability," states Mayor Phil of Punxsutawney, President of Jefferson County. "Now, we can say we have achieved that pride once again and have put it to the use of liberating our people."

Search parties are now working to see if there were any locals who survived the wreckage. Although the matter brought widespread scrutiny, Mayor Phil of Punxsutawney assures the press that this is not the same as nuking one's own town. In this case, they were merely sinking the buildings into the dirt.

Cleaning up the debris is another discussion Mayor Phil says they will have to put off to a later date, once the region is liberated from elk invaders. According to Phil, the county is more than likely to just cover up the debris with what dirt is available and rebuild infrastructure on top of it. Until then, Groundhog Day will have to be moved to another location.