Millcreek Divided Over Traffic Lights Double Standard
The industrial City of Millcreek is on the brink of collapse after a Facebook post revealed a traffic light requiring contradicting acts. The man posting the picture is reportedly not blind and capable of at least knowing what colors go where, suggesting that the picture has only been doctored with the addition of the arrow.
After the post, the town was instantly devastated by tensions never before seen on an economic scale. Between looting, protests turned ugly, and that guy playing neutral so that he doesn't have to reveal his lack of political knowledge.....
....the region now finds themselves unable to reconcile if drivers encountering that light should completely stop or turn right.
The Erie Countial Guard has been called in by President Mayor Paranoia to help suppress the divide before it spreads. With one traffic light now the subject of political controversy, there's no telling what other imperfections may stand out. From tint, to luminosity, to the distance between the light and the ground, all this could provoke more anger if not resolved for all Millcreek traffic lights.
Family dynamics are no exception. A recent report found that within minutes of the post being publicized, divorce rates tripled. Additionally, drug use in youth between the ages of 11 to 17 increased 5 times thanks to fathers risking their lives to turn right. Because we don't want this joke to create unnecessary backlash, we will mention that the father's survived and that the drug we are referring to is caffeine.
"I just want clarification on what to do in that moment," states the Facebook poster who did not actually say this. "If my traffic light says go when it means stop, I have no guarantee that people on the opposite side aren't facing the same contradiction."
Unfortunately, this revelation has the entire town confused. So much, experts are warning that drivers may attempt either option according to their bias. Best practice experts say is to stay inside, lock your doors, and only drive where there are no lights.
Better yet, just don't drive period.
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