Study Finds People Can't Follow Directions

This past week, 2 T-shirts were shipped out to contest winners featuring the logo and staff of the Venango Republic. The shirt can be seen in the image below....

Genuine T-shirt made from Earth existing materials

In an attempt to further promote the site and draw people to the Venango Republic Facebook page, another contest is being held until the 20th of this month for the same T'shirt. Unfortunately, people don't seem to grasp how the contest works. With the instructions plain as day in our last article, people are instead commenting beneath the posts on Facebook thinking that we monitor every page our articles are shared to..... OK, we do because we're the only ones sharing them. That is, asside from that random dude on the Clarion page who keeps taking credit for our work. What is your deal Michel?!?!?!?!

Nonetheless, the instructions in the article were plain as day. People wanting the shirt were supposed to message our Facebook page directly. Instead, they're commenting under the articles expecting that to get them into the contest.

You guessed right you people who don’t like to read

I mean.... We could let you in since nobody is taking this contest seriously. But it's much more fun to troll you for not following directions....

Researchers at Clarion University are trying to grasp how a simple contest rule like "message our Facebook page" could be overlooked by people who are supposedly from a college town. According to Amitor Spellar, professor of lazy reading syndrom at Clarion University, the issue could be that "people don't have the will to retain instructions from a short article like the one posted yesterday." With this being the case, we have decided to post an even longer one to ensure those people fail again.

Another issue could be that the people commenting don't really want a T'shirt featuring the staff at the Venango Republic. Professor Spellar states that they could be attempting the same sarcasm the Venango Republic exercises on a regular basis. If this is the case, we are considering hiring these people on as consultants for our satire. The wage will be the same as our fictional staff members; absolutely nothing......

We here at the Venango Republic recognize the hardship of finding a Facebook page. It probably takes just as much effort to find ours as it did to find the one you discovered this article on right now. To help take a load off your shoulders, here is a step by step guide to find the Facebook page which can be found by clicking the link here.

Step 1: Exit off this article

Oops! Now they're gone and can't see the rest of the instructions......

Step 2: Find the search bar

Look at the top of the Facebook app for this bar. It should be a little box you type in to find people and pages you have liked in the past.

Can you guess which symbol is used to search things with?

Step 3: Search for The Venango Republic

You'll notice that we spell our name like the county Venango. You will also notice we use the word "republic" as the second word in our name. You will also notice we use the word "the" at the beginning. The way you spell "the" is first with the letter T, then with the letter H, and finally with the letter A.

Tha Venango Democracy

Step 4: Hit the search button

Duh!

Step 5: Look for the Island of Misfit Toys

You will recognize our page. It features a city skyline you would never find in Venango County. It also features a staff that makes Venango seem like a place people would want to live in.

Skyline Venango County dreams of but will never obtain....

Step 6: Click the button to message us

The unique feature of this button is that is gives us the ability to communicate technologically with the outside world. Those who choose to message us through this button will be able to tell us they exist.

Message is spelled with an M, an E, an S, another S, an A, a G, and an E.

With these step by step instructions, we are confident that you may one day figure out how to properly navigate the internet. We know that finding a Facebook page is hard and taxing on the brain. We also know that this sarcasm is the worst way to entice you to come to our Facebook page.....

Dang! Our goal with the contest was to help promote the brand and draw people to our page.... We really do suck at making our customers feel valued......