Study Finds Acting Dumb Doesn’t Change When We’re Being Unreasonable

A recent study finds that pretending to be stupid doesn’t determine when we are being difficult. Researchers at Common Sense University conducted a test and were astonished to learn that fake ignorance is an illegitimate expression.

The study consisted of several control groups with individuals known to be dogmatic pricks. When confronted with real-life circumstances where they were absolutely wrong, each subject completely denied reality, acting like denial somehow fixed their mistake.

The subjects were also presented with various negotiations they formally refused to compromise reasonably on. When asked for a 50 percent compromise, the dogmatic pricks countered with a 99.99/0.02 offer but acted like it was perfectly equal. One subject is even quoted as saying, “I struggle to understand how I am being difficult,” just before gaslighting a researcher’s pant leg.

The final results showed no difference between each group. Political enthusiasts were small-minded regardless of their party affiliation, sore losers proved to be self-focused and unconvincing, HOA board members acted like potted plants were more important than people, and Windstream Internet tech support kept hanging up the phone.

Between each test, scientists were able to determine that the subjects were not as stupid as they pretended to be. Despite each claiming to think no sacrifice was more than they can manage, researchers deduced that beyond their coldness, they could cognitively grasp morality by the guilt written on their faces. In the end, each member was exactly like the moderators who run the Venango Happenings page pretending that things happen in Venango County.