Local Protestant Says He Was Just Trying to Put His "93 Theses" On the Steeple

An Oil City resident is under fire after admitting his involvement in the destruction of the northern steeple of St. Stephens Church. According to unreliable sources, the man responsible was attempting to hang a banner with 93 theses on it before causing the top portion to implode. His excavator has been confiscated along with monk status.

"I just had a bunch of ideas to share." States the man who has been identified as Marty McLuthy. "I wasn't trying to destroy the steeple. Just show off my ability to print a thousand words..."

Unfortunately, the steeple is not salvageable because of the careless act performed against the majestic structure. Priests say they would try to reconstruct the steeple to its former holiness, except that Home Depot doesn't sell the same giant stone blocks anymore. Consequently, they are forced to tear the whole building down.

As for Mr. McLuthy, a movement against giant crumbling steeples seems to be forming because of his act. Just this weekend, 4 steeples were torn down throughout Venango County, including the chimney on somebody's house. The homeowner didn't complain because he has electric.

Marty McLuthy is expected to stand before the priests of St. Stephens soon to determine if the destruction of the steeple warrants a new denomination. Additionally, they want to know what his 93 theses is all about since he ran off with it after the steeple was destroyed.

McLuthy has a history of reckless behavior. Last year, he tried proving his worth by climbing the front steps of St. Stephens. That wasn't the reckless part. After making it to the top in a record ten seconds, he accidentally tripped a priest who fell down the stairs.

The recent act resulting in the destroyed steeple may be the last straw for McLuthy's role as a monk. The upcoming trial will determine if he has a place in the congregation. If he manages to still have a place among the Catholics, the next question is if they will at least grant him the title of janitor.