New Study Finds Fire Extinguishers Can't Put Out Fires

A recent study from Venango University found that fire extinguishers cannot put out fires. According to information provided by professors at the university, covering flames with a giant metal cylinder will actually do more harm than good if the extinguisher explodes.

A test was conducted using 5 extinguishers and some neighborhood nobody wants around anymore. Professor Doofus, head of teaching curriculums at Venango University, lit one of the houses on fire with the hope that the rest would burst in flames too. Oddly, the match did not work like it did an hour before. The professor was forced to use the electric wiring instead.

Professor Doofus was able to successfully catch 6 houses on fire simultaneously. Several families came out of the homes furious for some odd reason. However, the professor did not allow this to prevent him from doing his experiment.

While the families tried to figure out who or what started the fire, Doofus tried to beat the flames with the extinguisher. His discovery was staggering.

Apparently, hitting the flames with the extinguisher will not put out the fire. This data shows that the extinguishers are entirely useless when managing burning buildings. To substitute, Doofus was forced to look into other options such as aerosol cans. These too proved to make things worse.

Eventually, the fires did put themselves out. Unfortunately, there were no buildings left to experiment on and the homeowners had no place else to go. The professor decided to set them on fire too.

The lack of results shows that the study will require further research. Professor Doofus has been working on this matter for five years, but he is confident he will find something soon. It just requires more houses and a bigger neighborhood.