Polution Plant Must Pay Fine or Move Beaver County to Utah

A Sherwin Williams plant in Beaver County is facing massive fines after failing to take measures to prevent stinking up the county. According to information provided by the first radio station to ever exist, Rochester has fallen victim to smells so bad, sealing up the houses accomplishes nothing.

A notice was delivered to the plant leadership from the Pennsylvania DEP. Our journalists investigated the meaning behind "DEP" and determined it has nothing to do with the actor who played Captain Jack Sparrow.

According to other sources, DEP stands for Department of Environmental Protection. This would be the department of people who work to protect the environment.

Residents complained that the air smelled like "pure chemicals" or "nail polish remover." Sherwin Williams is now facing a fine of more than 124 thousand with an additional thousand dollars for each day they fail to resolve the issue. Apparently, people from Rochester don't like pure chemicals or the smell of nail polish remover.

Investigations from journalists associated with other news outlets found that the plant failed to install a "thermal oxidizer" designed to destroy volatile organic compounds. We were so grateful to other news outlets reporting this information. It saved us a trip to Beaver County.

Now, it seems these volatile organic compounds are loose in Beaver County, doing whatever it is that nail polish remover does to people. Sherwin Williams now has two choices: pay the fine, or convince their county to secede from Pennsylvania to become a part of Utah.

Think about it.... Utah is mostly desert. There, the smell would be in check.

Sherwin Williams has 30 days before the fine is due. Should they successfully convince Beaver to join Utah before the deadline, it will then be a question of how to drag everything in Beaver County to Utah. Of course, an easier solution might be to manufacture enough paint to give the county a desert-like vibe. That would then make them the first county to be separated from their own state.

There is much more to uncover in this story. We will keep you informed as you sit on the edge of your seat for the next 30 days. Try not to fall off your couch.