Study: Faking Stupidity Doesn't Change Reality

A recent study finds that pretending to be stupid does not change when somebody is wrong. According to research from the University of Common Sense, pretending not to understand objective reasoning does not make a person right when they are clearly incorrect.

Researchers performed a controlled study by locking several dogmatic pricks in a room. The stubborn rigidity of each individual was put to the test when they were forced to face the reality of prior mistakes that impacted the lives of other people. The results were staggering!

Controlled tests started on a small scale with items placed in front of the subjects that irrefutably proved their guilt. Despite continued encouragement from the researchers to deny the objects’ existence, each item failed to disappear. Researchers attempted to reposition each item, but continued exposure to denial was still unsuccessful in wishing away evidence. Observers were also reportedly unconvinced of the faked stupidity in the test subjects.

Scientists then separated the groups into different rooms by their level of humility.

The most stubborn of the group was isolated in their own private dungeon. Researchers noted that every one of them acted like they were too dumb to understand how their actions hurt people in the past.

A survey of their lives showed that the lack of major consequences in their upbringing may have contributed to their personal delusion of being perfect in every way. This reaction helps explain their lack of empathy for people who took accountability and were mercilessly handed consequences that the dogmatic pricks equally deserved.

The researchers then tased them for their own good.

The second group was very similar to the first. Scientists attempted to create a minor consequence for their years of insensitivity. When the uncompromising stiffs denied reality, researchers lit their pants with a blowtorch. Each subject begged for mercy but refused to admit the objective truth that their actions were purely selfish.

They also pretended those hurt by them were just making everything up. The professors turned up the heat but found they were more successful in creating corpse barbecue than accountable human beings.

The third group was incredibly selfish in a different capacity. While other groups completely denied their obvious mistakes in an attempt to erase reality, the third group acknowledged their shortcomings, thinking apologies without change were enough to make a difference.

To their demise, the continuation of poor self-centered behavior quickly caused people to stop taking their apologies seriously. The researchers lit their pants on fire as well.

The final group consisted of much more humble individuals whose track record consisted of taking accountability. The study found that a combination of verbal acknowledgement and actual change won the respect of other people.

If negative consequences came to them, they embraced them even when they felt it was undeserved. Scientists were so astonished by the humility, they lit the other subjects on fire, hoping for a rapid transformation that would make the world a better place.

Unfortunately, the three groups of self-focused pricks died during the punishment. Not to worry. It still made the world a better place.

For the sake of consistency, they then lit the humble people on fire too.