Locals Shocked to Discover Potholes are Filled

What PennDOT has struggled to fix for the last three decades, the weather has resolved in a single day. Officials have announced for the first time that every pothole in the county is completely filled in by a white frozen substance that fell from the sky. According to sources, the substance is light, freezing, and solid when compacted thoroughly.

Whether the fix is permanent depends on if the northern hemisphere can remain tilted away from the Sun. According to experts, this may be a tall order since the upper half of our Planet tends to lean that direction when Spring hits. With the fear that warm weather could destroy the cold substance, scientists are researching ways to ensure our Planet stays stationary for the remainder of 2026. This will ensure the potholes remain filled.

Meanwhile, with weather finally accomplishing what we initially thought impossible, Mayor Blunders of Oil City is requesting data on what this white substance is that seems to resemble snow. Researchers at Venango Campus are working tirelessly in labs to analyze what plow trucks are struggling to keep off the road. The biggest barrier facing researchers is the dilemma of the substance shrinking before their eyes. Scientists have tried everything from turning up the heat, to placing the substance in a pot on the stove. Regardless of what they try, it keeps turning into water.

Venango Campus researchers stand in shock at the white substance disappearing before their eyes. Photo courtesy of the Clarion Psych.

"This technology is beyond our understanding." Mayor Blunders expressed in a press briefing today. "We must get to the bottom of this so that it doesn't fall into the hands of East Crawford!"

Mayor Blunders discussing strange substance while enjoying Red Express snowcone. Photo courtesy of Explore Boredom.

It fell into the hands of East Crawford.....

Mayor Dumbdumb of Titusville announced today the discovery of new weapons forged from the strange white substance that fell from the sky. With rising tensions between Venango and East Crawford, the county is fearful of an all out nuclear war. The last thing Venango needs is for Mayor Dumbdumb to discover new projectiles. Blunders is asking researchers at Venango Campus to do everything possible to shape the newly discovered element into the shape of a ball.

Mayor Dumbdumb of Titusville revealing new weapon. Photo courtesy of the Crawford Carnage.

"If we can somehow turn this into a weapon, we will no longer have to depend on spitballs and Nerf darts." Blunders said to the press while beating a fly with a brick. "Our military budget is thin, but this element may turn the tide."

Researchers are certain that the strange substance will be able to take alternative forms once they can stop it from melting. It is hard like a snowball when packed down correctly. They are confident that there must be a way to weaponize the remainder outside of the potholes. Until then, our security rests on the spitballs our treasury can afford.