East Crawford Achieves 30 Foot Altitude in Recent Space Launch

The Titusville Aeronautics and Space Administration (TASA) has stretched the limits of space travel beyond what was originally thought possible for Western Pensylvania. A recent press release leaked via the Crawford Carnage reveals another rocket, constructed in Titusville, has achieved new altitudes never before seen by those lacking in inteligence.

Mayor Dumbdumb tests 15th rocket this year

Details are limited, with East Crawford reporters only braging about the altitude, brand, materials, names of scientists, location of purchase for the rocket materials, estimated audience size during launch, and what town is taking credit for what they deem a "historic moment in world history."

The Venango Republic has chosen not to expose our readers to such obnoxious pride because of our deep fundamental values. Instead, we are going to make up achievements Oil City hasn't accomplished, and brag about those.

This morning, Oil City became the first community in the world to shine a light into space while simultaneously blinding an overhead dove. Unfortunately, the dove did not dodge the plane propellers. Nonetheless, spectators were able to gather the remaining feathers for the local museum. In honor of this occasion, we are citing Oil City as the first community in the world to achieve this kaos.... Well done....

Despite the recent achievement, Mayor Blunders of Oil City says he is not satisfied falling second to East Crawford in the race to space. Blunders has ordered the rebirth of the Venango Aeronautics and Space Administration (VASA). Donations are now being requested for the purchase of a new rocket from Walmart.

Meanwhile, Mayor Dumbdumb of Titusville states that space exploration is just around the corner. The only barrier standing between them and the this goal is figuring out how to fit human astronauts inside a 2 foot rocket purchased from Walmart. Dumbdumb estimates that his top scientists will have this figured out before lunch.