Washington County Agrees to Lower Cannons in Canonsburg

Political leaders representing Washington County met with Mayor Steelhead of Pittsburgh to negotiate the lowering of the cannons in Canonsburg. According to sources, tensions have existed between the neighboring counties of Washington and Allegheny ever since the cannons have pointed north.

Mayor Steelhead of Pittsburgh and self-declared president of Allegheny County threatened to stop the exports of steel to Washington County if the cannons were not turned southward toward West Virginia. With the price of musket balls at an all-time high, Washington County elected to move the cannons to the capital of Washington to set up their defenses there. They would have just turned the cannons around, but then they would have been pointed directly at their capital of Washington, making the circumstance more dangerous to them.

In case you haven't read maps

Washington and Allegheny have had great relations for several years. The loss of trade in steel and white wigs could cripple the economic structure of the southwestern Pennsylvania region. Allegheny County depends on the importation of ugly wigs from Washington County for absolutely no reason whatsoever. Similarly, Washington County depends on the importation of steel to keep the tradition alive of making cannons and muskets for no reason whatsoever.

Cannonsburg can finally continue producing cannons that serve no purpose but to continue looking ridiculous at the edge of their town. Peace has once again been achieved between two southwestern Pennsylvania superpowers, who really are not very super.