Mayor Intellect of Clarion Offers Large Supply of Textbooks to Support Venango in War With East Crawford

Venango County has received further support from another ally, as the mayor of Clarion Township signed a bill to send 2,000 textbooks from Clarion University to help aid in the war with East Crawford. According to sources, Mayor Intellect of Clarion learned of the recent invasion when one troop stepped across the border of Venango, claiming a square foot of land. It took two days of negotiating with Congress in Clarion County, but Mayor Intellect was able to push through an order that would send Clarion’s greatest resource to the aid of Venango County.

With Venango County recently receiving Meow Mix and dog treats from Meadville’s Smucker’s factory, the war efforts have consisted of supply demands being met for the defense of the border on Route 8. Soldiers got to work yesterday stacking the Meow Mix to build a wall that stretched 10 feet high. All leftover Meow Mix they intend on using as rations for the cold winter months.

As for the textbooks being sent by Clarion, soldiers state that they can use them to reinforce the wall as well, while also taking time to read in between battles to strengthen their intellectual abilities. One soldier who has been stuck in the second grade for the last 20 years says that he hopes with these textbooks he can earn his master’s by next month.

With the Pennsylvania Land and Treaty Organization, PLATO, sitting on the edge of their seats, it is only a matter of time before we can determine whether or not war will escalate, with surrounding counties intervening on behalf of Venango. Until then, supplies will continue to be offered from every county as they can afford them. As we all know, they can’t afford very much, because this is Western Pennsylvania.