Breaking: East Crawford Sabotages Seneca Street Bridge With Snowballs

With nothing to defend the city of Oil City, the East Crawford military conducted an operation in sabotaging the Seneca Street Bridge on the north side of town. The attack was a success, as five snowballs left the bridge inoperable and too dangerous to drive across, as the frozen substance made the surface slippery.

The attack took place at 12:13 today, with the snowball bombshells dropping on the bridge with excessive force. Citizens living nearby the bridge heard the ruckus and immediately rushed to the center of town in complete panic.

With the only military member attending school at the time, Oil City was left defenseless, with no one to push back against the rival of Venango County. Nine-year-old Timmy was at recess during the attack, but was not permitted by his teacher to leave the ground to assist in defending the Seneca Street Bridge. Consequently, the bridge has been deemed a complete loss, at least until the snow melts.

Mayor Blunders of Oil City, who is the self-declared president of Venango County, issued an order for all citizens of Oil City to prepare themselves for an evacuation up Seneca Hill, with the entire north side of Seneca Street completely evacuated. Citizens are barricading themselves closer and closer to Veterans Bridge for what looks like an abandonment of the town they call home.

Meanwhile, troops from Meadville are still making their way to Venango County to help fight against the onslaught brought on by East Crawford. West Crawford troops were last heard from at a gas station outside of Conneauten, where witnesses say they stopped for ice cream.

As for the Claring County military, their whereabouts are completely unknown. Sources say they left their city at 10 a.m. this morning, but accidentally made a wrong turn at Chippenville. They have not been seen since accidentally entering a dead zone in Venus.

The fear is genuine. The times are critical for the town people have worked so hard to revive. Now it seems Crawford will have their way and completely destroy all hopes of Oil City recovering from the welfare state it currently exists in. Good riddance.