Mayor Dumdum of Titusville, capital of East Crawford County, has officially pushed political tensions to the breaking point. Reports say that one of the two troops sent by Dumdum to patrol the border on Route 8 has crossed into Venango County, handing at least one foot of space to Titusville. "This act against our country will not stand," Mayor Blunders told the press upon hearing the news of the recent attack. "We will retaliate, and avenge the lives that were lost at the ha

"The deal has no chance..." Mayor Steelhead told the press this morning after his brief interaction with the Mayor of Oil City. "I really just did this because he seems fragile and could use a false sense of power." After the meeting, Mayor Blunders left McDonald's with a giant smile, as if convinced he had a chance to change the name of the Allegheny River. According to Mayor Steelhead, he "found it amusing to lead him on." With this being Mayor Blunders' proposal, many were

A local moron is heavily convinced that the most effective way to convert opposing thinkers is to harshly belittle them. To demonstrate his hostility, he has placed signs at the edge of the road with abrasive assertions that generalize a populace of free thinkers. Viewer discretion is advised.... YOU'RE ALL ADULTS! “I’ll never forget when the Republicans first cussed me out,” states Mr. High and Mighty. “I immediately converted to their side by the way they belittled me for m

Yesterday, residents around the region were shocked to step outside and see a white substance laying on the ground. What initially was thought to simply be a pothole filler soon became Venango's biggest nightmare when it was discovered that East Crawford found a way to weaponize the element. At 8:30 p.m. last night, Mayor Dumbdumb of Titusville revealed a technology never before seen by anyone around the world, or even to regions stretching as far as Ohio, for that matter. Ma

What PennDOT has struggled to fix for the last three decades, the weather has resolved in a single day. Officials have announced for the first time that every pothole in the county is completely filled in by a white frozen substance that fell from the sky. According to sources, the substance is light, freezing, and solid when compacted thoroughly. Whether the fix is permanent depends on if the northern hemisphere can remain tilted away from the Sun. According to experts, this

It is a historic moment for Beaver and Elk County as both governments have officially agreed to ban hunters from crossing eachothers borders. This came after pressure from Venango County forced both presidents to make a peace treaty with each other. "It has been years of conflict between our regions." Says President Dambuilder of Beaver County. "The war has cost many lives on both sides of the equasion, and it was necessary to create a relationship that will avoid further con

Mercer County is preparing defenses as Mayor Blunders threatens to potentially take Greenville. According to sources, Blunders has made several proposals to buy Greenville from Mercer County but has been turned down due to Oil City's failure to pay off thier loan for the traffic light. "We need those resources." Mayor Blunders said in a press briefing this morning. "We can siphon gas from thier pumps and sell it for an outrageous price." Greenville says that while they are ti

Tension has risen in Venango County, with several grandmothers resisting Venango County Customs' deployment of Glacier. Glacier, who has been the subject of controversy for their enforcement of immigration laws in Venango County, has forced several elderly women to separate from their tiny pooches ever since Mayor Blunders ordered the deportation act in 2025. A total of ten Chihuahuas were taken into custody within 7 days due to thier failure to produce papers. Last week, one

A group of 12 out-of-shape locals gathered today to protest deportation through ICE. According to sources, the protest was so massive that the only ICE agent visiting the county was forced to deploy tear gas on nobody. The protest began at 4 PM and lasted till the weaklings’ knees gave out. ICE agents attempted to enter Franklin but immediately faced impenetrable resistance due to the barrage of guilt comments. We're actually kidding. ICE did not enter Franklin today because

Mayor Blunders of Oil City, and self-declared president of Venango County, has cracked down on deporting undocumented Chihuahuas this year. So far, several elderly women have banded together to hit Glacier agents with their canes and purses to protect their pooches from deportation. Unfortunately, deportation has shifted its focus to other matters. Governor Jim Waltz of Rockland Township is now facing allegations of using county funding for fake salami daycares. You heard tha

A broken sidewalk remains cracked after months of dispute between officials of the Venango County Senate. According to sources, Minority Leader Kendra Lutelute claims she is being reasonable despite refusing to vote in favor of the sidewalk repair. Hours of debate left members of the Egocentric Party enraged. With only one vote needed to finalize the sidewalk repair bill, Kendra Lutelute refused to cast her support for the decision, claiming that the job could compromise the

In a bold operation, the Venango County Military has successfully carried out their mission to capture the mayor of Slippery Rock. This came after several leads cited Slippery Rock as the source of academic trafficking. In a press briefing today, Vice Mayor Clumsy informed the public that several diplomas were being earned and trafficked into the county through a process called “higher education.” “At least 3 people have driven to Slippery Rock daily for the last 8 years,” st

It was an interesting way to approach the podium. Jim Waltz, governor of Rockland Township, danced to the tune of a 16th-century composition while holding a partner in an elegant gown close to him. When Waltz came to the podium, his centuries-old tuxedo caught the attention of the press, wanting to hear his explanation for the recent salami daycare scandal. “There is no salami scandal,” states Waltz, who insists that his family only eats kielbasa and hot dogs. The crowd was d

The self-declared president of East Crawford County is demanding evidence from Venango for their claims that they have successfully landed on the Moon. According to reporters from the Crawford Carnage, Mayor Dumdum of Titusville is accusing Mayor Blunders of Oil City of faking the Moon landing. Tension between Venango County and East Crawford has been at an all-time high for the last several months. Back in April, East Crawford sought to justify the name of their high school

In a rare occurrence that shocked the neighborhood, the Sligo Town Hall meeting ended instantly when everyone present unexpectedly agreed. According to witnesses present, the town hall opened with the proposal that nothing will ever get accomplished through town hall due to neighborhood drama. Everyone instantly said, “hear, hear, hear,” prompting city officials to end the meeting, perceiving it as a waste of time. The unexpected agreement between participants at the City Hal

Mayor Isolate of Pithole announced to the press this morning plans for a complete revitalization of his one resident city. According to sources, Mayor Isolate is excited for the new project set to begin as soon as he can find the funds to start doing whatever the heck his out of reach plans may be. Among the plans that he will achieve one day in his dreams, the mayor hopes to build a giant skyscraper twice as high as the Willis Tower in Chicago... Yeah, right. “We are very ex

Successfully landing on the Moon has brought about excitement. So much of Venango County's reputation hinged on the success of this mission after East Crawford became the first Western Pensylvania County to launch a rocket into space. Failing to match their altitude of ten feet was Mayor Blunders greatest embarassment in 2025. However, despite the shortcomings, the Mayor has insisted that Venango County will achieve heights much greater than East Crawford in this cold war per

It's official! According to political leaders in Oil City, Pennsylvania, the Moon landing is a success with three astronauts currently embarking on the exploration of the lunar surface. VASA's mission to launch a rocket ship to the Moon, transporting three astronauts along the way, has been in the works for almost a month now. After tensions between East Crawford and Venango County rose again, Mayor Dumdum of Titusville, capital of East Crawford County, announced his intentio

Tension is rising once again between East Crawford and Venango County, as Mayor Dumdum of Titusville, capital of East Crawford County, is declaring Venango in violation of the Western Pennsylvania Convention, which prohibits space travel without the approval of the other counties. Mayor Blunders of Oil City, capital of Venango County, states that his attempt to fly to the moon is completely justified under Article C of the Western Pennsylvania Accords. Mayor Blunders, who has

Venango County, in response to Eastern Crawford's successful space launch, has announced their intent to be the first of Western Pennsylvania's counties to land on the moon. This came several months after Titusville, capital of East Crawford County, successfully launched a $15 rocket 10 feet into the air, declaring that they had successfully made it to space. Mayor Blunders of Oil City, who announced the implementation of a new space program, a.k.a. VASA, states that the lack