What Titusville's New Technological Advancement Could Mean for Venango and the Rest of Western Pennsylvania

Yesterday, residents around the region were shocked to step outside and see a white substance laying on the ground. What initially was thought to simply be a pothole filler soon became Venango's biggest nightmare when it was discovered that East Crawford found a way to weaponize the element.

At 8:30 p.m. last night, Mayor Dumbdumb of Titusville revealed a technology never before seen by anyone around the world, or even to regions stretching as far as Ohio, for that matter. Mayor Dumbdumb held before the press the white substance in the shape of a ball that he said will be used as a projectile when military force is necessary.

Venango County residents were shocked at the sight, seeing that the mayor of Titusville and self-declared president of East Crawford County had advanced his military beyond what Venango could ever imagine. Mayor Blunders of Oil City and self-declared president of Venango County assured the citizens that there is nothing to be afraid of, believing that summer will eventually come.

"Salvation is just around the corner," said Mayor Blunders of Oil City. "In the coming months, the temperatures shall rise and the white substance shall cease. Until then, we just have to pray that the new revolutionary technology created by our nemesis of East Crawford will not be launched in our direction."

Moments after his speech, Mayor Blunders turned and immediately became excited by the sight of snow on the ground. Several political leaders began chucking snowballs at one another for roughly ten minutes before someone reminded them that the threat of East Crawford is a national security issue and that playtime must not take the place of this priority.

Venango County is working tirelessly to figure out how to use the strange white substance on the ground to their advantage in the Cold War with East Crawford. Experts say that the white substance may not stay very long, depending on how temperatures are maintained outdoors. Time is crucial if the military of Venango County wants to utilize this strange substance as a tool of defense against potential invaders at the northern border of Venango County.