Venango County Announces Plans to Send Ship to the Moon Through VASA Program

Venango County, in response to Eastern Crawford's successful space launch, has announced their intent to be the first of Western Pennsylvania's counties to land on the moon. This came several months after Titusville, capital of East Crawford County, successfully launched a $15 rocket 10 feet into the air, declaring that they had successfully made it to space.

Mayor Blunders of Oil City, who announced the implementation of a new space program, a.k.a. VASA, states that the lack of progress in reaching space is due to the low budget Venango County has placed on the new organization. However, despite nine failed missions to launch an inch off the ground, VASA will reach space by the end of this year and propel themselves all the way to the moon.

“Our lack of success in launching a rocket more than half an inch off the ground was due to our negligence of buying name-brand rockets from Walmart,” states Mayor Blunder. “This time, we will be sure to get the ones that are made in the USA.”

Mayor Blunders has still not explained how he intends to fit a full-size human being in a rocket that is less than a foot tall. Nonetheless, he is still adamant that Venango County will beat East Crawford in the space race to get not only 20 feet off the ground, but to also successfully land a person on the moon. Afterwards, he intends to collect samples proving that it is actually made of Velveeta cheese and not mozzarella.

The launch will take place next week, providing that Oil City is able to pay off their $15 loan to Franklin for the recent stop sign they purchased. Until then, Titusville has all that time to launch their own rocket into space. Chances are, they too are paying off a stop sign.