We are now seeing more intercountial factors playing a role in the war between the counties. East Crawford, which is currently encamped on Route 8 outside of Oil City, has introduced detonating pizzas to the conflict. Around 6 PM Thursday evening, a massive explosion resulted in the Seneca Street Bridge being covered in cheesy sauce along with scattered dough. The bridge has been rendered a complete loss for dramatic effect, though drivers can still safely pass over it. Now,

Yes, people hate when media outlets present opinions over controversial issues. At this point, however, it seems like speculations are no longer up in the air, save a lesser smell than what Erie had before. There is finally enough evidence to support the claim that Erie's lake effect is not Mother Nature's fart hole. We know this because news outlets are offering less coverage about citywide smells than in recent years. When it does speak, it seems to reference other sources

The fountain on Oil City's south side has been sabotaged, with pipes visually detached from their entry point. According to sources, the fountain quit running two days ago, with no accurate estimation as to what day the hijack took place. Witnesses say that they could see a plumber's van leaving the scene. Authorities tried to catch up with the plumbing service van to find out if they saw who hijacked the fountain. Unfortunately, their roller skates were too slow to catch up

A rocket containing 20 spitballs has just struck a facility outside of Rouseville, leaving 5 people living. Although we would like to claim they are dead for dramatic effect, we are not going to get sued for misinformation. The building was struck at roughly 8 PM this evening. Despite the refinery no longer having anything to do with oil, you can see significant damage caused by whatever did the damage. Damage caused years ago probably by fire unrelated to spitballs The spitb

Erie County officials have announced the implementation of a new governmental agency focused on county federal crimes. This came after several pizza detonations in West Crawford and Mercer forced neighboring counties to invade their borders. Credit for the pizza detonations was given to Margarette Deisel Myarmsweak, who heads the Pizza Cartel. After five drive-by pizza dough slaps left locals stunned, Erie has announced that enough is enough. A new agency will now be implemen

It just makes sense to go with a less offensive concept like kids brutally killing each other for community entertainment. Sure, we didn't stop to think that the implication of City Hall being an outhouse might be taken literally by outsiders. But given Venango's long history of driving its population away, it makes sense that outsiders might think that our mayor does city business while doing his business. The author of the Venango Republic has spoken countless times about O

Some interpret it as a chairman. Others take it literally because it makes for good satire. Nonetheless, someone needs to be sat on in the next election cycle. Several candidates have stepped forward to make their case known. But only one chair is needed. We here at the Venango Republic want to make Erie's decision the easiest. Which is why we have gathered your most logical candidates. FOLDING CHAIR Folding Chair campaigns outside City Hall in Erie Folding Chair is your seco

There were no defenses to oppose the enemy. The oldest member of the Venango County military stationed in Pleasantville was asleep and still doesn't know his town was under attack. That did not stop Warren from marching into town and running to the nearest exit on the other end. "I witnessed them take one look, and give that gagging expression one gives when they are trying not to vomit." States one resident who saw them give that gagging expression one gives when they are tr

This poor pile had to celebrate its dump day alone after loads of controversy, amounting to less than the size of one of its bricks, hit social media. A Millcreek resident took to Facebook expressing concern over the hazard being left in the middle of a sidewalk. With minimal effort to secure the perimeter with snake pits, something had to be done. The comment section was filled with sarcasm, but The Venango Republic still takes the matter seriously. Idiots are a minority in

Safety has become a concern for workers across the Steel City and the surrounding regions of Allegheny County. According to sources, workers feel that the condition of their hard hats will not ensure safety in the event of a beam bulldozing workers in the face. The concern has been voiced for years, but owners of the major steel factories of Pittsburgh's fictional universe have dismissed the pleas for better safety protocols. Their argument remains that steel makes up the gen

We have just been informed by the Erie Eardrum that Erie’s Elections Chair has been voted out of his position. According to unreliable sources, residents of the city found him too uncomfortable to sit on when trying to place their vote. “I don’t know why we restrict ourselves to one chair,” states Mabel Mouthwash of Erie. “I’m also confused as to why we chose to sit on some random man we elected instead of a normal chair.” The practice has been one of Erie’s weirdest protocol

The Venango States of America has seen their first engagement after weeks of the enemy’s absence. Fortunately, it came just outside of the county capital of Oil City, with Venango’s youngest military member meeting the enemy head-on. Little 9-year-old Timmy has finally returned from his mission to liberate West Forest County. The seven-week journey through Allegheny National Forest has ended with Timmy finding his way back because nobody could afford the drive. What a time to

It took Allegheny County decades to find the west side of their largest city. Generations passed, and people wondered if they would ever see those they used to visit before it all disappeared. That is, until Mayor Steelhead discovered West Pittsburgh on a map while sitting at his table for breakfast. Mayor Steelhead is adamant about staying informed on daily developments in western Pennsylvania geography. If there is any change on the map, he notices due to his interest in re

It's an ongoing debate year after year. In a small corner outside of Erie's largest hub, Millcreek supervisors have traditionally gathered before a town of disgruntled homeowners. Even before residents knew their political authorities do nothing productive, officials have been diligent in acting concerned where a century old problem never finds a solution. Each resident waits in anticipation for someone with the will to put in a drain. Unfortunately, years of meetings to disc

The Clarion County military has found their way back to Venango County after three months of getting lost in Butler. According to sources, the three individuals who make up the Clarion County military wandered onto Liberty Street at 7:12 a.m. this morning with the same confused looks they initially left with. It was approximately two months ago, just before the Battle of Franklin, that Venango County requested the Clarion County military go back home. After weeks of conflict

Venango County's eastern capital of Cranberry is now facing potential assault with no defenses standing in the way of the Elk County military. Any minute now, Elk troops will be converging on Cranberry's capital building, the Cranberry Mall. The pothole defense system will be useless given the versatility of the Elk species. Elk troops move through Rockland at the border Venango County's southern capital of Franklin has no troops to spare. According to sources, the mayor of F

Venango County is short on military power as Elk County troops move closer to the border. According to sources, the three military men who make up the army of the Venango States are spread thin between Route 8 and Marienville, Pennsylvania. Likely enemy invasion points in red. Venango military points in blue. To make matters worse, Warren County states that they are preparing their troops for a northern assault on the border between Venango and Warren. Geographical maps revea

The city of Titusville has roots dating back to the ancient world of American origins. Founded in 1796 A.D., the city of Titusville began as a village under the authority of one Sir Titus of Rome Township, who moved to the greasy township of Oil Creek to separate himself from the empire he once served. By 1866 A.D., Sir Titus of Rome progressed his village into the epicenter of ancient Western Pennsylvanian culture, with an empire never before seen. Not only did the citizens

A dark spring evening turned into havoc when Nerf darts were fired on the capital of Clarion County. Elk soldiers emerged, storming up the hill, firing their Nerf guns on the military they drove from Punxsutawney weeks ago. Several unfortunate happenings have contributed to Clarion's lack of preparedness for last night's attack. Firstly, the groundhogs serving the Jefferson County military are significantly inferior to the elk, given that they are no more than two feet tall.

The Clarion Front will soon observe their first attack in the history of their nation. According to sources, Elk County troops have made their way safely to the capital of Clarion County and are within just a few miles of the city. The only defenses are Jefferson County troops who evacuated their homeland weeks ago during the siege of Punxsutawney. County War One has seen success for the Pennsylvania Land and Treaty Organization, with nations such as the Venango States of Ame