Oil City Fountain Sabotaged: President Blunders Blames Elk Military

The fountain on Oil City's south side has been sabotaged, with pipes visually detached from their entry point. According to sources, the fountain quit running two days ago, with no accurate estimation as to what day the hijack took place.

Witnesses say that they could see a plumber's van leaving the scene. Authorities tried to catch up with the plumbing service van to find out if they saw who hijacked the fountain. Unfortunately, their roller skates were too slow to catch up with the van.

Investigations are now taking place to determine who is responsible for disassembling the fountain. Despite experts advising the community not to draw any conclusions before assessments are finalized, President Mayor Blunders accused Elk County in a press briefing today.

“There is no doubt that the horrendous act performed against our community is that of Mayor Bighorn, President of Elk County,” Blunders told the press. “The fountain was a symbol of our superior wealth in the world of western Pennsylvania. Though they have crippled the fountain, we will rebuild it once again.”

After Blunders was finished making a fool of himself, statisticians noted that Venango County's economy began to improve toward a financially stable state. Experts believe that having the fountain shut off for an entire day was enough to put the county debt at a zero margin. The only thing keeping us from getting into the black are the bridge lights, which keep sucking the energy out of the city.

Venango County is currently surrounded, with the Elk military waiting up Seneca Hill for their opportunity to perform their assault on Oil City's south side. Additionally, troops for Warren and East Crawford are also stationed on Oil City's north side, preparing to perform an operation against the capital of Venango County. The fountain is a minor setback to the morale of those who can't see the financial benefit. Nonetheless, we are certain Venango will survive, because the author doesn't want the community to hate him that much.