Who Should Erie Elect As Their Next Chair

Some interpret it as a chairman. Others take it literally because it makes for good satire. Nonetheless, someone needs to be sat on in the next election cycle. Several candidates have stepped forward to make their case known. But only one chair is needed. We here at the Venango Republic want to make Erie's decision the easiest. Which is why we have gathered your most logical candidates.

FOLDING CHAIR

Folding Chair campaigns outside City Hall in Erie

Folding Chair is your second to least comfortable option. He is metal, hard, and difficult to sit in for long periods. Nonetheless, each voter only needs a minute to decide. If someone forgot to do their homework and is reading the ballot for the first time, this chair is conveniently uncomfortable. If they still try to take advantage of the inclining back, you can pull it out from under them and beat them with ease. Just like a WWE actor!

RECLINER

Recliner campaigns against E. Coli

Recliner is the worst option. People who sit in him will immediately fall asleep and never cast their vote. This option will destroy your economy because with lines being forced to wait, elections will be incomplete. With elections incomplete, nobody will be sworn in to serve. Do not vote for this candidate!

KOALA BEARIS

Bearis interviews about her decision to run as a chair

After losing the 2025 Oil City Mayor Election to President Mayor Blunders of Venango County, Koala Bearis has decided to seek political positions outside of her region. Bearis currently lives in the palm trees outside of Oil City's northside, but is ready to pack up her bamboo if elected to the office of Erie's Chair.

What makes Koala great is that her fur is extremely comfortable when sat on.... We just realized this can become politically incorrect if we continue... Do not vote for her!

PASTIC VERTICAL CHAIR

Plastic Vertical Chair speaks concerning his contribution to Alcoholics Anonymous

Plastic Vertical Chair is your best choice for candidacy. Although it does not fold, it is perfect for keeping voters awake and uncomfortable during the elections. Every voter will be so uncomfortable, they may even accidentally vote for the wrong person. This can be great if they are idiots known for voting the worst candidates in. Of course, it may also backfire if the smart people accidentally vote for Kanye West.

This is nog just for press releases

This chair has been featured in several seminars where people otherwise would gradually fall asleep. Perfect for back pain and rear-end soreness, even Alcoholics Anonymous testimonials say they would "sooner quit drinking than be court ordered to sit on those again." Vote for this chair!