Best Venango Republic Articles of 2025

It's been a great year for satire. Between local absurdities, creative characters, and ridiculous fiction, we've managed to surpass our own expectations with roughly 450 articles since March 9th. We started off brutal with jokes at the region's expense, transitioned to articles promoting our favorite gems of the county, created fun characters to represent this universe, and got blocked from several groups that can't take a joke.

Regardless of public perception, we stuck to what we love doing by creating something we could never imagine. Life gave us lemons, and we made lemon pulp. We held the philosophy that instead of trying to please everyone, we should do what we love and offend everybody instead. Now, we have a following on Facebook that surpasses Venango and Clarion County's population by at least 600 percent. In honor of those who have supported our satire, here are the best articles that made this year memorable.

1. Local Stripper Gets Hip Replacement.... Immediately Breaks Hip

This is by far the most ridiculous story we created. When people hear the headline, they immediately chuckle. Article here.

2. Franklin's Only Fire Escape Loses Another Screw

We just drove by it and thought this would be hilarious. Obviously, it's not the last fire escape. But in our universe, the fire escape plan involves traveling across town, entering this building, and exiting by way of these stairs. Article here.

3. Massive Pothole Eats East Side of Cranberry Mall

What really put a smile on our faces is when someone shared this with the caption "look at the picture 😂." That edit took 3 days because we're terrible with technology. Thank goodness she liked it. Article here.

4. Mayor Survives Spitball Assassin. Poodle Struck Dies of Covid

Watching the mayor fall to the ground while Venango County Secret Service agents rush the stage with hand sanitizer... That is comedy gold people! Article here.

5. Mayor Blunder Proves Election Was Rigged

After local political influencer Koala Bearis wins the election for Oil City Mayor, Mayor Blunders proves the election was stolen by admitting he put 2 extra ballots in the box. The towns folk change their votes in support of Blunders since he managed to prove the election was rigged. Article here.

6. Man Breaks Back Trying to Lift Clark's Donuts

Everyone knows how ridiculously huge these donuts are. We just wish we could find out what the owners think of our article. Article here.

7. Police Searching for Man Who Took Bite Out of the Donut

The Olark family had the misfortune of having to change their name to Clark all because some jerk took a bite out of their sign. Article here.

8. Study: Excessive Drinking Impairs Ones Ability to Think

It's apparently not ok to test this on kittens. The funny part is that some guy in the comments thought our article was real even though we specifically stated it was fake. People really do need to read. Article here.

9. Don't Miss Light Up Night! You're Only 4 Months Late!

This sign meant to remind you not to miss what was already passed. The woman responsible commented that she got a kick out of this. Article here.

10. City Hall Catches Fire: Mayor: Forgets to Wipe

I'm not sure why Oil City residents take offense to me making City Hall an outhouse. At least my universe has both. Article here.

11. Population Plummets By 2 Residents

How dare we joke that the population is less than a hundred people. Anyone observing the thousands of cars driving around is sure to believe a website with a Blobfish as it's CEO. This article was rejected by several local pages. Article here.

12. 88 Thousand Dollar Spectacle Still Not Attracting Tourists

We aren't quite sure why it's ok to make fun of Cleveland and Detroit but not Oil City. I guess being small means we have diplomatic immunity or something. Regardless, programs meant to "beautify" the downtown area leave us questioning how we can spend 88 thousand on lights for an ugly bridge but not manage to get a grant to fix the houses on the north side, let alone bring in factory jobs. Article here.

13. Oil City Fountain Has No Coins: Citizens Too Poor To Wish

Oh look! We have 220 thousand dollars to spend. Although that is arguably enough to bring in factory jobs similar to what made Oil City great, let's instead invest it in a fountain that costs money to run and is only uncovered 1/4th of the year. That, combined with the electricity bill from the bridge lights is the perfect excuse for our inability to afford salvation. Article here.

15. Bar Manager Fails To Get The Memo it's 2025

It wasn't our funniest article. But when you write something about heated drama in a college town, people become curious. Some dudes racist comments caused his bars to shutdown overnight. This article brought five thousand visitors to our site overnight. Article here.

16. Venango Republic Offered Law Suits for Misinforming Public

After our Loomis article, some dramatic "I'm always right" person threatened to sue us for minor misinformation. We came out with this article to resolve the problem. We were confused though. Explore Clarion rejected an article prior to this about the community demanding chicken wings as reparations. We don't understand their logic. I mean, they approved this one despite it making a joke about our journalist picking wool in a field and receiving 50 lashes. Article here.

17. Top Ten Things to Do in Venango And Surrounding Region

Yeah... Disclaimer, we like Franklin a lot more since writing this particular article. The restaurants are great. People do drive far to eat at them. And there are some nice restaurants in Oil City worth visiting including the Exchange, Billy's, and Cork N Screw. We offer this disclaimer because this article really takes a dump on the town and also doesn't give enough credit to the businesses of Franklin. Nonetheless, it is hilarious if you can get past the number 9. In hindsight, we really did have some hard opinions prior to meeting the business owners and experiencing things first hand.... Will you guys call it even with a free Venango Republic T-Shirt?????? Article here.

18. Titusville Man Enters County Witness Protection Program, Recognized at Bingo Night

I have worked hard to expand into Crawford. This article was a great concept, but my brand still hasn't landed there. Article here.

19. Dirtbag Cought on Camera Stealing Clarion Woman's Bike

After a woman posted to a community page about her bike being stolen, we took matters into our own hand. We also learned the woman's name refers to a blood vacuum. That made it even better. Article here.

20. Titusville Space Program: Rocket Reaches 10 Feet

It isn't the article itself that is memorable, but what follows. Making fun of the rockets name led to a space race between Venango County and East Crawford. The Venango County military was formed consisting of 2 adults and a 9 year old with a curfew, each armed with spitball launchers. Mayor Dumbdumb of Titusville became a version of Vladimir Putin and a ridiculous rivalry was formed in the Venango Republic universe. Article here.

Conclusion

It was hard narrowing down 450 articles to just 20 options. I have so many I want to include on this list. OC residents rebuilding the outhouse with their floorboards, Mayor Blunders changing the Allegheny River to the Gulf of Venango and placing tarrifs on Pittsburgh till they surrender the name, building a dam to cut off Pittsburghs water supply before accidentally flooding Rouseville.... The list goes on....

The Venango Republic was brutal in the beginning. I had a pending divorce I was powerless to prevent. 7 years of penned of anxiety over missing my hometown of Lancaster and losing my grandparents along with my mother in that time made me the biggest complainer on planet Earth. By January of 2025, I was coming home everyday with a panic attack and dealing with thoughts of jumping off a bridge every time I drove over one. Eventually, I realized that something had to change.

I could either internalize my frustrations, or find an outlet to release them. It's not that I hated Venango County. But moving here was a culture shock and it didn't help being in circles where my humor was constantly shot down.

I finally realized that with the world I knew turning it's back on me, I had nothing to lose. I could say whatever I wanted and it wouldn't cost me anymore than what I was losing. Does that mean I agree with some of my earlier articles? No. Although I have strong opinions about how Oil City spends their money, I've met so many people along the way who have shown me that life is whatever you make it.

You can complain about what God has taken from you, but all it will do is destroy a soul he intended to be reflective of His love. I spent seven years complaining about my loss of Lancaster. It not only cost me a marriage, valuable time with my children, but also years I could have spent serving my savior, Jesus 9oChrist.

A lot of relationships have been damaged because of frustrations I carried for seven years that I always had the power to let go. You can't deny frustrations, but they also don't have to rule you as a person. I learned that on this journey. Turning my frustrations into humor was one way of releasing matters I needed to surrender. I'm also going to add that only Jesus Christ could ultimately save me from my sins.

So why keep the Venango Republic? Why the brutal humor, controversy, and mockery of ironies? Anyone who has seen me perform publicly knows that can take a joke. That's all my website is. It's a joke. It's my stage in an area that doesn't offer room for stand up comedy. And if there's something that would benefit our world more than anything else, it's the ability to take a joke and laugh at ridiculous nonsense. That's how we prove we're mature.

My website takes risks because I don't care what people think. Life doesn't revolve around me. So I don't have to obsess over being liked. I just do what I enjoy, and if people appreciate it, they are the ones who's friendship holds the most value. If people are unwilling to get to know me beyond my website, their judgment of character is poor. It's not worth concerning myself with those kinds of circles.

Do what God has gifted you to do. Life is too short to live for others approval. What matters more is focusing on what God wants for you. People may not understand. Many may try to discourage you. But just because people are uncomfortable with what you do doesn't mean you are taking the wrong steps. Be yourself and don't live obsessing over people who dismiss you for one aspect of your existence. By the way, God loves them too! You're not the center of this universe. Remember that!