Mayor Blunder Proves Election Was Rigged

The inaugural ceremony for newly elected Mayor Koala Bearis was ready to commence today when Mayor Blunders made an unexpected announcement. Blunders, who has faced scrutiny in the press for encouraging supporters to rush City Hall, which coincidentally is also the City Outhouse, held a press briefing today where he left the county in shock.

"I have proof the election was rigged" says Mayor Blunders. At first, many dismissed this as a debunkable claim like the many he's made this week. That is until he stated "I added two extra votes to the box!"

The crowd of three people drew back in horror when he made this announcement. "The election was rigged!" shouted one reporter "elections can't be trusted!"

The two extra votes dishonestly placed into the ballot box explains why the final tally consisted of 24 ballots when Oil City only has 22 residents. Blunders decision to tamper with the election made little difference considering he still lost 15 to 9. Nonetheless, residents of Oil City are furious with the rigging, so much that supporters of Bearis are changing to support Blunders instead.

"This doesn't make any sense" says Bearis "he literally admits to rigging the election, and everyone is turning against me... I literally played by the rules."

When asking former Bearis supporters why they are turning on their candidate for the dirty deeds of Blunders, our reporters could not make any sense of their rationale... We'll just share the quote and let you try to make heads or tails of it...

"We believe in fair and honest elections and are extremely put off with the fact someone would stoop to doing such a dirty deed like Blunders did. The difference is that Blunders suspected fraud all this time and we didn't listen. Even Bearis dismissed the claim! We can only support the candidate who knows how to detect when something is wrong. Blunders knew something wasn't right and took immediate action!"

Professors from Clarion University have gone over this quote line for line trying to figure out what the heck this means. So far, 6 University Professors have been admitted to a mental institution.

Speaker of the Venango County House of Representatives, Blunders sister, objected to the recent notion that Bearis should step aside. The House Speaker hates her brother and is demanding further evidence be presented.

In response to the House Speakers request, Blunders had a gut feeling that the evidence might be found in Koala Bearis's mail box. Bearis, who claims to have nothing to hide, permitted access to the mailbox. Inside were discovered two letters. One congratulating Bearis on winning the election. The other with the inscription "I Koala Bearis Steel Electons sined Koala Bearis." Both letters were in Blunders handwriting.

Witnesses say they saw Blunders putting something into Bearis's mailbox the night before. Blunders admits that he did put the letter congratulating Bearis in the mailbox. As for the second letter, he believes Bearis wrote that letter while forging his handwriting so he would be blamed. The evidence was presented to the Venango County Supreme Court, which only consists of Blunders mom. The court ruled in Blunders favor.

Blunders will once again be inaugurated tomorrow morning for his 8th term in Oil City. Bearis, who moved to this town as a Harvard graduate to make a difference, is perplexed by the rationale of the citizens. He... She... We're not quite sure what Bearis is... But that person says they now realize this town is insane. "You people sound like you fell out of a coconut tree. HA-HA-HA!" stated Bearis before stepping into a vehicle and driving off a cliff.

The residents of Oil City were furious by this comment. "We don't have coconut trees in Oil City! We were dropped on our heads by our moms!" Stated Blunders in his a press briefing following the events.