City Hall Catches Fire: Mayor Forgets to Wipe

City Hall, which also acts as the City Outhouse, caught fire today as Mayor Blunders lit a match inside. The Mayor was sitting on the throne inside the structure when a power surge caused the lights to go out. After lightning a match, fumes from the defecation below ignited causing the building to go up in flames.

The Mayor managed to escape the building with his pants pulled up. Unfortunately, he sat down and immediately realized that he forgot to wipe. There were no burns or bruises from the incident. However, having no change of clothes, the Mayor was forced to hold a press briefing with a brown stretch mark visible on the back of his slacks.

After 15 minutes, the entire structure exploded with fecal matter flying everywhere. Towns folk are furious that the city now smells just as bad as it looks. The spread of feculence across the neighboring areas undid the recent civic improvements. Last week, the Venango Republic reported an overhead dove dropping a turd that covered Oil Cities eyesores. Today's explosion of fecal matter undid the improvements.

An investigation is being conducted to determine why the power surge happened so early in the day. According to Mayor Blunders, the power only goes out when the Christmas lights on the bridge suck the energy from the rest of the town. The lights don't go on till after 7 making the recent events somewhat confusing.

Fund raisers are being held later today to help produce a new City Hall. The new design will include a Bidet Toilet Attachment (a device old people use to wash their genitals). The device will ensure that in the case of a fire, the Mayor can effectively clean his rear and douse the flames at the same time.