Local Stripper Gets Hip Replacement.... Immediately Breaks Hip

Local stripper Gladyss I'mdead (age 86) died earlier today after receiving a hip replacement and immediately breaking it. Gladyss was in surgery for 6 days at ICUP Medical Center in Seneca and failed to realize that the doctors made her prosthetic hip 2 feet too long for her leg. Gladyss jumped out of her bed to rehearse her dance routine where she lost her balance and fell to the floor.

Doctors found Gladyss on the floor frustrated with the complex nature of her Life Alert button. She was rushed to a nearby ambulance when doctors suddenly realized they were already at the hospital.

On the way back to the room, Gladyss finally figured out how to press her Life Alert button. Unfortunately it was too late. She died of covid before reaching her room.

Gladyss was known to the town as a gentle hearted church goer. She would play the organ every Sunday and lead Sunday school for the local children.

Gladyss would spend her evenings at local pubs performing as a stripper to help save for college. Gladyss, like the rest of Oil City, had not graduated second grade but was hopeful one day she would attend Harvard or Yale.

Funeral proceedings take place this Saturday at the local bingo hall. It is expected that all elderly men in town will be attending, who consequently, are also available bachelor's.