Man Breaks Back Trying to Lift Clark's Donuts

Clark's Donuts are known for being humongous. In 2018 a local was able to feed an entire village just by donating one of them to Feed The Hungry. Last year, a 90 pound horse jockey ate one just before the weigh in but was soon disqualified for being 300 pounds too heavy. Later when trying to ride the track, he gave his horse a hernia. As for Saturday however, one man was completey unprepared for the permanent damage his body would take while trying to carry one of Clark's donuts out of their new location.

It was 7 AM and Clark's Donuts had just begun their grand opening. Skoal Copenhagen, a local known to always bite off more than he can chew, ordered Clark's largest donut from the case.

It took the associate 25 minutes to lift it out of the display before rolling it across the floor to Copenhagen. Accompanied by his friend Eyelift Usteer, the two managed to carry the donut out the front door before Copenhagen accidentally slipped on his low self esteem.

The donut crushed Copenhagen like a cheap brand of chew. He was rushed to the hospital but unfortunately fell apart in multiple pieces when they lifted him into the ambulance..... I mean he is named after shredded chewing tobacco after all.....

The donut has remained on the ground all weekend waiting for us to write this story we desperately want Clark's to share to their Facebook page. What a shame it would be if we ruined that hope by concluding with a politically incorrect joke..... We better be careful and have a good finish.....

Our story concludes with three Asians walking down Liberty Street. As they passed a cow graze, one said "look, a cow graze." As they passed a man whose head was grazed by a bullet, one said "look, a bullet graze." Finally, the Asians walked up to the oversized donut left on the ground. The last Asian said "look, a donut graze...."

Oh darn it! Now Clark's probably won't share this article because of that joke! Then again.... Maybe they won't understand it.... Nah! Someone would expRain it sooner or Rater......