5 Pizza’s Detonate Between West Crawford and Erie; Erie’s Italian Mafia Takes Blame

The Nation of Erie is off the hook as it pertains to their political involvement in the recent pizza bombings in Meadville and Mercer. Sources state that the Pizza Cartel has taken credit for a series of several exploding sauce pies that left several shirts stained.

Since last week, 7 pizza’s detonated in the cities of Edinboro, Meadville, Conneaut Lake, Fairview, Mercer, and Peach Street. 5 have taken place in the last 24 hours. The outcomes were devastating, with several reports saying that the cheese was a less preferred flavor.

“Who puts blue cheese on a pizza?” asked one individual who had his face marred by a lump of mold.

Taking credit for the recent explosions is Margarette Deisel Myarmsweak, who is known for her genius ability to sound insane. Margarette is considered the kingpin of Italian pasta gangs throughout the Erie Nation. With ties to the Lunchandcheese family in the northwestern PA mafia, Margarette is known for being ruthless, so much that she once put her husband on ice.

The Mercer Bureau of Investigation, otherwise known as BMI, has put a bounty on Margarette’s head.

Unfortunately, she managed to escape after removing the paper towel they placed in her hair. She is at large and must be stopped before the next pizza detonates.

If you have information concerning Margarette Deisel Myarmsweak, please call your fictional authorities immediately. Not your real authorities… The fictional ones… The real ones will think you’re insane!