St. Patrick's Day Disaster After Attempt to Dye the Allegheny Green

The Blunder Dam, built last year in an attempt to cut off Pittsburgh's water supply, has now served a purpose beyond flooding Rouseville. This week, President Mayor Blunders of Venango County signed an executive order to dye the Allegheny River green in honor of the holiday. The stagnant river, made possible by the dam, was in perfect condition for the algae they poured into the water.

Not long afterwards, all the fish were belly up. The river reeked of that same charm you get from a condemned building that's gone unused for 5 years. Worst of all, the county has no funds for chlorine because they wasted it all on algae.

President Blunders of the Venango States of America says that this marks a starting point of his administration's plans to rename the river the Gulf of Venango. While St. Patrick's Day was a complete stink fest, Blunders says that the future is bright as soon as they can figure out how to send the algae down the river to Pittsburgh. Doing so may require destroying the Blunder Dam, but it may finally result in Pittsburgh agreeing to Blunders' demands to gain rights to renaming the Allegheny.