Oil City Mayor Dams Up River to Cut Off Pittsburgh Water Resource

It's been 2 weeks since the conflict of Western PA began. Mayor Blunder of Oil City has been working around the clock to force Allegheny County to surrender their claims to their famous river. Mayor Blunder has placed sanctions and tarrifs on Pittsburgh and now is even threatening to cut off their water supply if they do not change the name of the Allegheny River to the "Gulf of Venango."

"If they refuse to change the name of their river, then we will take away their river" Mayor Blunder stated in a press briefing earlier this morning.

What Mayor Blunder fails to understand is that daming up the water will not do much to impact Pittsburghs water supply. As seen in the picture below, Oil Creek bleeds into the Allegheny River at the edge of Oil City. And there are several places south of Oil City where other creeks and rivers converge as well.

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Pittsburgh for instance has a converging point at the center of their city where the Allegheny river merges with Monongahela to form the Ohio River.

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If Mayor Blunder wants to successfully cut off Pittsburghs water supply, there needs to be a concerted effort from every city and town north of his target. The only problem is that two weeks ago, Mayor Blunder thought nothing existed outside the Venango county border. Now, he thinks Pittsburgh is the only existing town outside the Venango County border. The Mayor seriously has no idea that Venango county makes up a minute portion of an entire planet. This means he has no relationship with any city other than the neighboring Franklin.

Despite his lack of geographical knowledge, the Mayor is adamant about daming up the river in hopes of "sending a message to that tiny town down south."

An executive order was signed yesterday morning for the construction of a 5 foot tall dam. Work begins today at 12 o'clock and is expected to last at least 10 years. Experts from the University of Clarion believe this effort will result in Pittsburghs water levels dropping by as much as a quarter inch.