Mercer Juice Lovers Come Under Vegan Attack: Hummus Takes the Blame

Butler County is now demanding that they be recognized as their own state after seeing Venango successfully seceding from the United States. Butler, which now wants to be known as Butlerstein, has waged war on Mercer County to assert their dominance as vegan lovers and hummus representatives.

A new radical group, known as HUMMUS, terrorizes fruit juice lovers by throwing vegan recipes at the opposition. An attack took place today on the border of Mercer County when several puddles of brown mush, believed to be hummus, were suddenly discovered on the Grove City walkway.

Mercer is outraged at the unexpected attack which their political leaders say has demoralized their economic status. The United Counties say that they will not join Mercer if they decide to retaliate, causing Mercer to feel as if they are left alone in the sudden conflict between the two southern counties.

“The sudden attack was devastating to the locals of Mercer County,” states the mayor of Grove City, capital of Mercer County. “We are traumatized, and our thoughts and prayers go out to the lives which were lost as a result of this horrendous attack.”

We have no idea what the mayor of Grove City is talking about. No lives were lost. They literally just dropped hummus on the walkway of Grove City. This is more dramatic than COVID masks in 2024.

Mercer County plans to retaliate as soon as they can get enough juice together to form a counterattack. Until then, residents are cautioned to stay indoors in case of another vegan launch.