Mayor Blunders Announces Baby Aspirine Deal for Minute Maid Health Insurance Users

Self-declared president of the Venango States of America, Mayor Blunders has announced plans to strike a deal with the federal health insurance of Venango County, Minute Maid. According to sources, the recent deal was struck after county officials realized the secession from the United States left the entire county without health insurance. Mayor Blunders immediately funded the Affordable Care Act, which he was forced to instantly discontinue due to his inability to afford it. Minute Maid instantly replaced the act because their organization felt sorry for the citizens dealing with this stupidity.

The implementation of Minute Maid has caused many to believe that it is Venango County's federally funded health coverage for low-income families. Actually, everyone in Venango County classifies as a low-income family, including its political leaders. So technically, Venango County is Minute Maid's corporately funded county.

With Venango County officials now depending on Minute Maid for cash inflow, leaders are finally able to at least keep up with the interest on their thirty-dollar debt to Meadville. This does nothing to solve the healthcare needs of the county, but it still makes for a very funny joke.

As for medical assistance, Minute Maid has agreed to strike a deal with Pacifier, Venango County's wannabe version of Pfizer. The new agreement assures county residents access to five baby aspirin to split among each other. Locals are now debating whether to utilize one of the baby aspirin to treat a man whose eyeballs were gouged out this morning, or to save them for more potentially crucial medical needs in the future. Regardless, locals are relieved to finally have medical assistance.