Amish Man Might Not Go to Heaven Thanks to Local "Celebrity"

This just in: an Amish man might be banned from Heaven after a local public figure posted a video of him crossing the street on a scooter. According to sources, the man who filmed the Amish guy posted a video to Facebook with the caption “this made my day,” not realizing that Amish don’t like to be filmed. Consequently, his good day may come at the cost of the Amish guy having a bad eternity.

“I know it goes against their religion to have pictures and videos taken of them,” states the dud who just likes tea. “I just couldn’t help myself. The cars stopped to let him cross, and it made me feel like this everyday occurrence only happens once in a lifetime.”

Despite this moment being painfully ordinary, the dud who just likes tea acted like it was the greatest act of kindness ever shown on four wheels. He made it sound like the Amish were a mother duck and Clarion traffic was risking its lives to save her ducklings. Congrats, drivers—you helped an endangered species cross the road.

The Amish guy successfully made it across. Unfortunately, Jesus is now stuck deciding if this Amish man should make it past the pearly gates. If his shot at salvation gets revoked, you can thank the cameraman for sending him straight to Hell.

Some people are outraged at the local celebrity. His post, which went “viral” with 5 likes and zero shares, stirred a mix of emotions among people mostly confused about why it was even posted.

One of our own followers pointed that out and immediately got blocked by Mr. Facebook Hero. Apparently, noticing the obvious makes Venango Republic readers the jerks. At least we don’t send Amish men to Hell, though.

It’s hard to say what will become of this Amish man. All he wanted was to roll into Clarion, not trend in the county’s smallest corner of the internet. Now, he might need a new religion just to get a fair shot upstairs. Thanks a lot, cameraman.