Warren Launches Diaper at Oil City: City Preparing Anti-Diaper Defense System

The capital of Venango County is under attack once again as Warren County has made good on their threat to launch a dirty diaper toward the city. According to sources at the Warren Peace News Network, Mayor Fossil Fuel has given an executive order for the Warren Airforce to launch a diaper that will ensure the ultimate humiliation of Oil City.

President Mayor Blunders of the Venango States of America has been moved to the lower levels of City Hall, which also shares space with the City Outhouse. Venango County Secret Service Agents are guarding the hole inside the outhouse as we speak as Air Traffic Control readies the Anti-Diaper Defense System.

Venango County Secret Service Agents guarding City Hall, which is also the City Outhouse

Warren has already performed an assault on a neighboring ally to Venango County earlier this year. When Warren struck Forest County's second capital of Tionesta, the city was fortunate to find the smell blended perfectly with the fish in the river.

Warren’s bombing of Tionesta

Oil City might not be so fortunate given their repulsive traits are visual rather than a stench. A nuclear diaper would surely add to the deterring nature of the town, leading to potential discussions of moving the capital to Franklin.

The diaper is expected to arrive in an hour. That's just enough time for President Mayor Blunders to make matters right with Mayor Fossil Fuel.

Fossil Fuel accused Blunders of once again trying to revive the oil industry by siphoning Warren’s oil well with a 70-mile-long strand of straws. In a press briefing earlier this week, Mayor Blunders denied the allegations as a man could be seen behind his podium carrying a bundle of straws in his arms.

Mayor Blunders trying to convince the press the grease is just facial hair

It is unlikely that Blunders will admit to the allegations presented by Mayor Fossil Fuel. As a result, Oil City may find themselves covered in infant excrement. Experts have advised locals to remain indoors until the matter can be addressed. Obviously, the anti-diaper defense system can only launch an anti-diaper missile a maximum of 20 feet into the air, meaning that when the diaper is struck, it will still pour all over the city. We are surely doomed.