Warren County Threatens to Drop Diaper on Oil City

Political tensions are now shifting to discussions of nuclear disgust between Warren and the alliance of PLATO. According to reports from the Crawford Carnage, Warren County has expressed their unwavering support for Venango County's sworn enemy, East Crawford, with threats of an ultimate obliteration to Oil City pride..... They haven't been here in years....

The conflict escalated Monday evening after Warren County soldiers discovered a straw stretching across their city with the end dangling over the opening of one of their oil wells. When reports reached Mayor Fossil Fuel of Warren City, capital of Warren County, the self-declared president of Warren deduced that it was another attempt by Venango to siphon their oil in an attempt to renew their industry.

President Mayor Blunders of the Venango States of America denied the allegations, stating that the pipeline he initiated for that purpose is still short by at least ten straws. He further argued that the line of straws he has named the Lockrock Pipeline requires suction from a person who can walk two steps without panting, a trait uncommon in northwestern Pennsylvania.

Mayor Fossil Fuel of Warren is refusing to listen to Blunders claim to innocence and is now threatening to launch a nuclear diaper in the direction of Oil City to cripple county pride..... They haven't been here in years.....

Blunders is showing no fear to the threat which was broadcast over the public loudspeaker this morning. According to experts from Venango Campus, Blunders fearless demeanor may be credited to the fact he covered his ears during the announcement and started yelling "BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!"

With President Mayor Blunders unaware of the potential poopy baby shower coming to Oil City, residents are in fear that the city's anti-diaper defense system may not be deployed. Locals have tried to warn Blunders of the oncoming threat, but he keeps interrupting with "BLAH BLAH BLAH" while covering his ears.

Only one word of hope was spoken by Blunders since the threat he refuses to learn about. In the wake of Venango County recently progressing to an 11th world country, Blunders acknowledged the financial strain and food shortage plaguing this satirical universe in an attempt to tie it into this unrelated conflict. Blunders stood before the press and said "they can't take our money, they can't take our food, but they can take our freedom!"

Impeachment hearings are scheduled to take place tomorrow at three with Speaker of the House, the Mayor's sister, coordinating the discussion.