Venango Retaliates Launching Missile at Titusville

Mayor Blunders of Oil City has officially ordered an assault on Titusville. The orders came after a missile was launched this week by East Crawford County troops toward the Northside Seneca Street bridge. The missile contained 50 spitballs which covered the bridge in saliva on impact rendering the passageway unsafe. Blunders, who received approval from the Venango County House of Representatives to purchase warheads, has ordered troops to fill the warheads with spitballs and launch them at the city of Titusville.

Troops stationed at the border of Venango County were increased from one to two personnel after Eastern Crawford County troops slipped past the guardsmen by simply driving by. The border, which is literally 50 yards from the city of Titusville, would be the launching point of the missile aimed for Titusville.

Troops gathered at the border today with anticipation to get back at Crawford for their assault on the Venango County Capital of Oil City. It was expected the missile would exceed the height of Titusville's missile which reached an altitude of 15 feet.

When the missile was launched by Venango County Troops, they forgot to point it at the city. Witnesses say that the missel fired to an altitude of roughly 7 feet before re-entering the atmosphere and falling back to where it came from.

The troops who launched the missel were covered in saliva when the missel impacted the ground. Witnesses say that when the spitballs sprang out of the warhead, the soldiers instantly died of covid. The sudden death of covid puzzles experts considering the spitballs belonged to the soldiers who launched the missile.

Funeral proceedings will be held later today for the heroes who attempted the suicide mission. New troops will be stationed at the border tomorrow after the city janitor has a chance to clean up the mess. It is advised that anyone driving to Titusville from Oil City for work take the road by way of Pleasantville until the janitor can decontaminate the street.