Titusville Man Recognized in Walmart Twice Declares Himself Public Figure

Darryl Pewters, a local celebrity who has amassed a following of 2 people, recently was recognized for the second time in a month. While shopping in the canned goods section of walmart, Pewters turned the corner, bumping into someone who said he "looked familiar."

"My fame is growing too fast for me to handle" says Pewters, who grew up thinking that zero was an astronomical number. "All I want is some time to myself. But every time I turn around, some person is rarely calling out to me to ask who I am."

With all this attention Pewters is getting, locals believe he may be on his way to nowhere successful.

"We always knew he would amount to nothing" says Mrs. Downer, Mr. Pewters mother in law.

Tour dates to see Mr. Pewters will be posted tomorrow on the Sheetz bathroom door. Eventually, staff will take it down once they notice he posts it. Mainly because he has nothing prepared for his appearance due to lacking talent in every category. Also, nobody knows who he is. So why the heck would they show up in the first place?