Voodoo Reaper Steals Hat From Arrowtone Productions CEO

14th Street in downtown Erie is under a state of emergency after a Voodoo Reaper has reportedly stolen the hat of city-renowned singer Matthias Bankrupt Landbonnet. According to sources from the Erie Eardrum, the Reaper has been identified as the man whose name means God's peace, and whose last name means a mountain of transparent illuminating color.

Apparently his first name also is a peaceful dust cleaner as well

We don't share real names. For the real name, please consult Jeff.

The motive behind stealing Landbonnet's hat is unclear. All we know is that the mountain of invisibility reportedly has a dark past, in which his presence resulted in unfortunate outcomes. For more information, ask him.

As for the man we have identified as Landbonnet, he recently bragged that his name means "gift of God." We have checked the source, and according to Google AI, he is actually a dull, non-shiny finish on a smooth surface.

For the name being defined, ask Matt.

We are uncertain if the Reaper responsible for stealing Landbonnet's hat has the athleticism to jump a fence. All we can determine at this point is that Landbonnet has a bald spot exposed, proving that he can no longer depend on Elmer's glue for a mohawk.

The situation is unfortunate, as it is interfering with the band currently playing at the front of the crowd, who, for some unknown reason, prefers to receive their salvation secondhand.

For more information on why they want a generic brand of salvation, ask the beefcake in the center of this picture.

The Venango Republic will continue to bring you updates on the state of Landbonnet's hat. While it is possible that the Reaper, with invisible mountainous illuminating abilities, can hop a fence, experts believe it's unlikely, since he needed the beefcake the last time his bar was invaded. For context, please search the article below....

For those interested in seeing the Arts and Drafts Festival bands you likely missed, here is Thursdays lineup...

We don't share real names.... Google it...

For those tired of consulting sources, please call our receptionist, Jenny, at 8675309.