Arrowtone Productions Faces Backlash for Arrow-Tipped Sound Waves
An Erie-based sound production company is facing widespread scrutiny after several individuals report being struck in the heart by arrow tipped sound waves. This comes after months of summertime concerts hosted by a company known as Arrowtone Productions, where attendees state they were impaled physically when the speakers literally shot projectiles their directions. According to some victims, the music coming through the speakers not only brought the joy of music, but also the affliction of medieval weaponry.
The owner of Arrowtone Productions, who we will refer to as Matthias Bankrupt Landbonnet, says that he will not authorize modifications to his company's speakers. According to Landbonnet, the speakers are supposed to shoot arrows at his listeners in order to capture the impact that his company name promises to the listeners.
Fictional police have already been called to detain Landbonnet for allegedly promoting the reckless use of Arrowtone speakers. Unfortunately, Landbonnet got away when he skillfully hopped a fence while jamming to his acoustic guitar.
Landbonnet is at large, with no information available regarding his whereabouts. Police have already spoken to the mother of Landbonnet, who has given a detailed description of what he looked like, with a mohawk, when he was a teen.
Unfortunately, this description does us no good, since the 40 year old version of Mr. Landbonnet no longer uses Elmer's glue as a hair product. We really just used that photo to reveal a funny detail we learned.
Landbonnet can be recognized by his unconventional choice of untrending clothes. The mother states that he only wears Express crew neck T-shirts with a plain black color. We must warn that these T-shirts may change from time to time as he buys the same kind of T-shirts in bulk.
If you are unable to determine if the black Express crew neck being worn is the same as what Landbonnet wore the day he jumped the fence, experts advise pulling the neck back to reveal the tag. In theory, Landbonnet may actually mark with permanent Sharpie which plain crew neck is to be used for each specific day of the week. We encourage you try looking to see if this myth has legitimacy.
In case access to the tag is not a feasible means of making a distinction, experts have also helped put together a collage of Landbonnet's different choice T-shirts for specific public occasions. The images can be seen below.
The only known case where Landbonnet wears an alternative color is when he must send a clear message that he does not identify with the other people who wear nothing but black.
Outside of his band, Landbonnet is the only one who dresses the way he does. This is least convenient when is directing traffic at night after a power outage brought on by a devastating storm.
Until Landbonnet is officially caught, locals are being warned by experts to approach Arrowtone speakers with caution. While arrow-tipped sound waves are considered a valid means of helping music to strike its listeners, it goes without question that this is not a Cupid service.
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