Pittsburgh Officials Say Free Signs Will Restore Dignity to Abandoned Couches

Abandoned trash has become the epitome of rundown neighborhoods in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. According to sources, small communities in the Pittsburgh region have considered relocating to Homewood, since the killers at least try to clean up their mess there. Recent studies find that for every baby born, at least six couches are left on a hillside. While this has technically made areas look hideous, experts agree it has solved the housing crisis for pests like bedbugs.

In response, city officials have tried to organize groups to clean one hill at a time. Unfortunately, while they clean one hill at a time, violators trash three more at a time. Resolving the matter has been met with odds mathematically in favor of turning the town into a compost pile.

Mayor Steelhead of Pittsburgh addressed the issue of trashed areas in a press briefing this morning. He assured his listeners that the trash crisis is under control but then removed the banana peel from his microphone since nobody could hear him.

Mayor Steelhead addresses rising concerns of trash dumping

Journalists were extremely displeased with the conditions of the press area. Because this was an outdoor briefing, they settled for one of the couches decomposing on the street.

Somehow, Pittsburgh skyline was behind them and the mayor at the same time.... 🤷‍♂️

Meanwhile, the mayor announced his plans to resolve everything with a new executive order that would require all trash dumpers to place free signs next to their discarded furniture.

“This battle has gone on long enough,” Mayor Steelhead expressed. “This is a solution for two major concerns. First, we will resolve the trash crisis. Second, we will draw tourists desperate for free furniture.”

By next week, Steelhead anticipates an overflow of tourism coming to take the trash away. The first fifteen customers will be directed to the ones without the bedbugs.